Hi everybody, my name is Mic and this is my first post here. After months of struggle searching for some support I finally took courage to write here.
My wife has undiagnosed Aspergers syndrome combined with ADHD, chronic stress, and a diagnosed eating disorder. The main struggle is, although she performs great in her areas (IT, sports), she often misinterprets the social reality for the very worst option it may be understood at. This misinterpretation leads to hell-reminding atmosphere that lasts long. Like you ask what is the time, she would interpret it as I am telling her "you are always being late" even if it was not at all meant like that. You just ask about the time. She goes to meltdown (can physically hurt herself e.g. breaking the glass in her hand) and it takes up to three days (I am not exaggerating) before she recovers. Those are three days of an unbelievable hell for me, please believe. In the middle ages, they would think she is possessed by devil (I don`t want to justify that, just want to illustrate how hard it is). Even though I am physically quite a big man, I feel absolutely at the end of my power. My body, formerly very fit and athletic, starts to break down.
We have a lovely little boy who is the main reason that keeps me alive.
I have read a lot on autism, I have listened many podcasts, audiobooks, etc. Believe me, I devoted a pretty much time to understand. Now I believe I understand quite well what it is about.
To understand, however, does not mean to be able to cope with.
I struggle to find a therapist. Most of them are specialised on parental (not partner) support. It seems to me as if autism was only a child condition that disappears in adulthood.
Moreover, the vast majority of autist parent stories I found to have some reference is about a woman having an autistic husband.
Am I the only male to have an autistic wife? Or the only one that openly struggles because of that? Has any of you experienced a similar struggle finding some support? What are the things I can do in order NOT to understand better, but to learn to cope with?