How do you disclose your autistic identity to others?

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Thanks for your reply. Your t-shirts are cool. It’s great that you have so much confidence in your autistic identity.

I have some autistic pride t-shirts too.

Dawn said:

I've been really lucky; my friends and family have been great.  I think it's explained a few things and helped them too.  My employer couldn't be more supportive and encouraging. 

I am glad you had a good experience with disclosing to the people you mention above. That’s really positive.

Dawn said:

Where it's been mixed is where you'd expect the understanding to automatically be there and be vital - like the GPs.

Unfortunately many professionals including GP’s have a very pathologised and inaccurate understanding of autistic experience. Like you say it is absolutely vital for GP’s to understand our autistic experience.

Dawn said:

Even with an advocate, they wouldn't adapt appointments etc, actually wrote in a letter that I "suffer with autism" and continued to insist I phone at 8 and tell the receptionist all about why I wanted an appointment in order to get one even though they know putting it into words is pretty horrific for me and how do they think an advocate can come with me that way

I am sorry you had this experience it must have been horrible to have been spoken about like this and not be accommodated for.

Dawn said:

I get a bit sick of having to educate them when I'm actually feeling very vulnerable and need their help and not much up to be being their Autism trainer.

Yes I understand, it is not our job to educate people on autistic experience all the time, it can be exhausting and use too many spoons. Having said this I quite like educating about autistic experience but it could be quite monotonous if I did this repeatedly after every disclosure.

‘It's better than them thinking: 'She's wierd' or 'stand offish'.’

Yes I understand, you are not weird or standoffish. You are a perfect autistic person!

Half the time folk only need to read my T shirt which reads: "Autistic and Proud" or "I don't suffer with Autism.  I enjoy every minute of it", lol. But then I'm too old and crabby to give a stuff about what people in general think.  It's better than them thinking: 'She's wierd' or 'stand offish'.

Seriously though, people are a mixed bag depending on their understanding.  I've been really lucky; my friends and family have been great.  I think it's explained a few things and helped them too.  My employer couldn't be more supportive and encouraging. 

Where it's been mixed is where you'd expect the understanding to automatically be there and be vital - like the GPs.  The practice I was with showed zero understanding, even though it was my medical phobias which led me to the discovery of my Autism and this is the only truly debilitating aspect of it for me.  Even with an advocate, they wouldn't adapt appointments etc, actually wrote in a letter that I "suffer with autism" and continued to insist I phone at 8 and tell the receptionist all about why I wanted an appointment in order to get one even though they know putting it into words is pretty horrific for me and how do they think an advocate can come with me that way?  I changed practice.  My new practice couldn't be kinder.  They really want to help. Don't get me started on mental health...grrr.  My Special care dentist is fab though.

In all seriousness, if my friends and family can bend their heads around this and be supportive, why can't I trust the services who are officially supposed to "support" me and who should have had some proper training in this eons ago to be consistently so?  I get a bit sick of having to educate them when I'm actually feeling very vulnerable and need their help and not much up to be being their Autism trainer.

I only mention it if someone comments on something - it's usually that I'm wearing shorts.  I still find it hard to explain other impacts because, as someone with late (50 y-o) diagnosis I'm still learning for myself!

Thanks for your reply.

Oakling said:

The trick is stopping there as far as I’m concerned. I spent ages explaining what autism was and how it impacts my life to the first few people. It was a case of massively over sharing. I now say something like what I detailed above and just stop. If they want to know more, they will ask. It feels strange if they don’t ask, but at least that way I know I’m not chucking information at them that I’ll later look back on and regret.

Thanks, this is helpful. I could spend ages explaining being autistic too but I don’t know if it will mean much to the people I disclose to. I understand what you mean about over sharing, people may think you are giving lots of personal information when actually it is just your experience and therefore relevant to everything you do.

Maybe I should just wait for specific questions like you say and then explain my autistic needs.

Oakling said:

It feels strange if they don’t ask, but at least that way I know I’m not chucking information at them that I’ll later look back on and regret

Yes at least this way, you will only provide more information about being autistic to the people who want to know more and understand your autistic self.

Thanks for your reply. That’s great, we should just be accepted for who we are.

Thanks for the reply. 

Mariusz said:

Allistic working with you should be fine if you just tell them ''I'm autistic'', but if you try to explain it all right away they might not get it and ask you ''why are you telling me that?''

I understand that allistic people will be fine with me just stating I am autistic but I don’t think many of them actually have a basic understanding of what that means (including that personal experience is very different to a general description).

I suppose if people don’t understand why you are explaining being autistic right away, maybe it is better to just explain your needs in a specific situation.

If there is a point in a conversation that makes sense, I say something as simple as “I’m starting to talk about it a lot more now, but I’m autistic and was diagnosed fairly recently.”

The trick is stopping there as far as I’m concerned. I spent ages explaining what autism was and how it impacts my life to the first few people. It was a case of massively over sharing. I now say something like what I detailed above and just stop. If they want to know more, they will ask. It feels strange if they don’t ask, but at least that way I know I’m not chucking information at them that I’ll later look back on and regret.

When I overshare, I tend to remember at night when I’m trying to sleep and I start to feel embarrassed. This strategy avoids that.

I don't tell anyone. 

I am Ben. They must accept me as I am.

Ben

Allistic working with you should be fine if you just tell them ''I'm autistic'', but if you try to explain it all right away they might not get it and ask you ''why are you telling me that?''