Female, diagnosed at 60

I'm nearly 60 and was diagnosed not long before my 56th birthday. 

To be honest, I think I'm still processing it, with a lot of looking back and reflecting.  Mixed feelings, I think.  I feel as though I've been given the key to really understanding so much of my life and inner experience but, at the same time, I also still feel angry that it's come so late in life - certainly too late for me to avoid many negative experiences but, more importantly to me, to avoid some very sad repetitions within the next generation.

So I kind of feel grateful and overwhelmed at the enormity of what still feels like a fairly new piece of knowledge.  But also hoping that its not too late for this to feed into greater family understanding and a more positive family identity too.    

Jenny Butterfly said:

certainly too late for me to avoid many negative experiences but, more importantly to me, to avoid some very sad repetitions within the next generation.

Holy crap Jenny !  Now you're pressing my anxiety buttons !!!    No ones ready for that yet in my world........the knee bouncing has begun !

Oh, I'm so sorry!  I tend towards anxiety myself, even at the best of times, so, given how momentous my late diagnosis felt, there were bound to be some unsettling thoughts coming in in the wake of it.  

In a way my late identification does feel like a very welcome key and I don't want to underplay the importance of that.  But I also see it as kind of a depth charge both within my psyche and then also radiating out into those around me.  And those around me are neurodivergent too, but without that identification.  It's not something I talk about excessively or in any way impose on others in my family, but even just this fundamental piece of knowledge does, I think, have the power to act as a major truth bomb for them.  And I am looking back through a different lens and reinterpreting quite a lot of what happened.  Could I be re-writing my version of our family history?

More than that, though, I also feel great sorrow that, had I known what I now know much earlier on in life, some very negative events and even tragedies within my family could have been avoided or perhaps just improved. 

And I could say more but as and when I do I should probably give a warning.  And tread carefully in what could be a very sensitive area.       

I wonder whether there is something additional going on if you're the first person in a very large family to be identified late in life?  I believe it's brought many of our family patterns into sharp relief, certainly.  But does it also confer any additional responsibility towards other family members? 

Ah, right-o.  And yes, I'm hoping things will unfold calmly and that the knowledge will be helpful.  The ripples are currently still radiating out in my own family. 

I see us more as sensitive canaries in an often hostile world, but also that understanding the nature of that sensitivity and ways in which that alters our relationship with ourselves, others and the world is potentially really helpful. 

And generally speaking, yes, others can make their own decisions.  It's just that the burden (and joy in some ways because finally there's a key!) of being the first and sharing the knowledge has unexpectedly fallen to me.  And being in the position of parent to adults who are really struggling increases my sense of responsibility, even when a person is in denial.  I still feel an immense pull to do my best for them, even without uttering "the word".  

I appreciate that others might be in a very different position, though.   All highly individual, I know, it's just that I'm discovering that some of my most personal and individual experiences now have a more familial and collective feel to them.  That's good in the sense that I'm not alone, but also complicated for the same reason.            

Ah, right-o.  And yes, I'm hoping things will unfold calmly and that the knowledge will be helpful.  The ripples are currently still radiating out in my own family. 

I see us more as sensitive canaries in an often hostile world, but also that understanding the nature of that sensitivity and ways in which that alters our relationship with ourselves, others and the world is potentially really helpful. 

And generally speaking, yes, others can make their own decisions.  It's just that the burden (and joy in some ways because finally there's a key!) of being the first and sharing the knowledge has unexpectedly fallen to me.  And being in the position of parent to adults who are really struggling increases my sense of responsibility, even when a person is in denial.  I still feel an immense pull to do my best for them, even without uttering "the word".  

I appreciate that others might be in a very different position, though.   All highly individual, I know, it's just that I'm discovering that some of my most personal and individual experiences now have a more familial and collective feel to them.  That's good in the sense that I'm not alone, but also complicated for the same reason.