Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,I wanted to put my thoughts here. I'm 35 years old and I had hoped to be married with children by now. I'm a virgin as well.I've struggled to date and have relationships with girls/women. I'm better socially but can still misunderstand and be misunderstood. In my experience, the problem with having a small social circle is you tend to think you have a special bond with one person, and think there'll be no-one else like them out there in the world. When they say they are not interested in dating you, it can hurt.
Is Flame Introductions a dating agency for autistic people? Thanks for any advice.
Hi, I struggled for a long time to get noticed / tell people I liked them / date etc. Back in the day, I got hurt a lot as a result. Quite a few people I developed feelings for wouldn't even know it.
The advice I would give is to try and do things that broaden your social circle - perhaps join a group / cause / club you feel interested in / passionate about, without thinking too much about where it leads or putting pressure on yourself to have a girlfriend or be married. I know that can feel daunting for those of us who like our own company.
I met my wife through a charity we were both volunteers with. That way, I ended up meeting someone who I was able to bond with as friends before it led anywhere. That can lead to complications, like jeopardising a friendship by trying to make it more than that (which I also did). But I was never someone who could ask a stranger out on a date, and internet dating wasn't a thing then (and I'd have been rubbish at it anyway).
Thank you. My social circle is bigger. Earlier it was small and I feel I missed out a lot when my friends were getting married/having children. Pathetic as it sounds, it hurts when your feelings of love are not reciprocated and my fault was I created a story in my head. I felt inferior.
I knew my wife as a work colleague for 3 years, before we started 'going out together'.
Well I suppose it can feel like that a bit, but it's why it worked for me that I dated someone who I already knew and was friendly with.
Is dating like being judged?
It doesn't sound pathetic at all. Unrequited love is a horrible feeling, one of the worst I have experienced. I always really struggled with being able to tell people how I felt, work out whether feelings were mutual, and work out, if women were being nice to me, why they were being nice to me. I found the whole thing really complicated and confusing. I got through it, in the end, by meeting people, then making friends, and then realising someone was more than a friend, and fortunately on that occasion it was reciprocated. I know it's easier said than done, but when I'd stopped looking a bit, things seemed to happen. You'll get there.