Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
Yes, it's frustrating, but it can get better over time. At your age most women, and men for that matter, are really only out for a good time, relationship-wise and sexually. Apparently shy and undemonstrative autistic men are not a great catch, in that scene. But when women reach their mid to late 20s they tend to start looking for long-term relationships and more reliable, less loud, less flashy men become a lot more attractive.
So whaat do I do? Do I just put on an act which I kind have done in the past? Or just wait it out? That's quite some time and I've been feeling this way since the age of 14. I'm going to be 20 in less than a year.
I, eventually, did a lot of research into gestures, body language and facial expression. This gave me an increased ability to detect when women were attracted to me and to be able to signal my interest back. This helped. Even later, I managed to overcome my emotional reservation and fear of rejection, which were in the way of me creating the basis for a long-term romantic relationship. I have, by various people, been likened facially to both Oliver Reed and, later in life, Jack Nicholson, so I'm fairly attractive on the outside, even so I did not lose my virginity until I was 24, and began my first long term relationship at 30.
Yes, autistic people do not do non-verbal communication subconsciously, like allistic people do. This is why I learned all I could about body language, gestures and facial expression from books and scientific papers. Once I had an intellectual and conscious grasp of these facets of interaction, I could decode to a more accurate extent what was going on in my relations with women.