Published on 12, July, 2020
The older I get the more I notice a difference between me and my peers regarding my social skills, and the more they notice a difference in me too.
I feel like as everyone is getting older and maturing i'm just frozen in time. Forever trapped as a younger person stuck in the body of an adult, no matter what I do. `No matter how hard I mask.
I felt the first big jump when I was transitioning into my teenage years. I just wanted to mess about, play classical playground games, do what we used to do. But girls my age just wanted to sit around talking about boys. Everything was changing and it was nerve wracking.
I'm now turning 23 and I'm noticing the big jump again, except this time it's worse, harder. I don't know what to do to emulate my peers at all. They can just tell that I'm different.
I don't want to get pushed out, I want friends. A romantic relationship. I've been craving more structure relationship wise because of this, a relationship with rules. I've returned to religion, not because I'm necessarily a believer but because religious people tend to have well defined social rules that I can learn, follow, and as long as I stick to those rules I'm less likely to be socially ostracised.
I'm in a lot of distress. I don't know what to do. Everything is changing so fast, faster than I can keep up with.
Masking can feel like it helps but actually it has a negative effect that you don't always notice and can lead to more anxiety, exhaustion and eventually even burnout and you definitely don't want that.
As you've already found change is difficult to cope and live with. For others it's easy but for us it can be truly crippling and can take years to adjust to and accept. I still struggle with this every day.
No one wants to be pushed out and I can understand you wanting friends but you need to be kind to yourself and not push yourself under. Have you thought of volunteer work? That's a good opportunity to meet others and I've found usually people who volunteer are lovely. Depending on your interests you could try some groups as well in your area.
Wishing you all the best lovely.