Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't think I know how to relax. I don't know that I've ever been relaxed. I have been very stressed for a long time. There's no one big obvious cause right now. But it has built to a level where its causing me physical problems, like digestive issues, joint and muscle pain, headaches, palpitations, all of which can make me feel exhausted and mentally low.
Doctors have recommended things over the years to try and help relax - exercise, meditation, mindfulness, yoga - and I have dutifully tried them all. But they either don't seem to work for me, like mindfulness, or they do start to work and I suddenly get ill. Exercise, for example, I've tried a few times. I start doing small amounts every morning and evening. I keep it very gentle and only progress slowly, and I started to feel the benefit. But then as soon as that happens I end up with extreme muscle pains all over, or a cluster of migraines, or sudden terrible stomach problems. Some of these are so bad they put me in bed for days, several has necessitated a trip to the doctor and one landed me in hospital. They can last days or weeks, but they all derail the exercising (or yoga or meditation etc) and make it difficult to return to it for some time afterwards. This cycle, of cause, only serves to make the stress and anxiety worse.
Has anyone else experienced this? Could this be related to ASD or ADHD? Any advice on what to do? How does everyone else manage to relax without getting ill?
Any advice or thoughts welcome. Thanks.
While too much sensory input is distressing I appreciate that it is better not to lose the use of the senses. That is why I make an effort to write gratitude lists around the incredibly beautiful intensity of colours sounds smells and feeling. I appreciate being alive.
Naturally with such amazing sensory gifts I need a break from the intensity occasionally. I am always looking for positive ways to simplify my perception and take a break from unnecessary sensory input.
Eg Recently I have started appreciate the benefits of staring at white paper as closely as possible - with reading glasses to allow me to get close.
I noticed recently that the disturbing noise in the bathroom which has seemingly infinite parts, pitches etc to it is simply the fan. For some reason I have chased each individual component of the sound instead of ignoring it as ‘the fan’. If one were to assign an orchestra to play this sound the many different hums inherent in the fan noise would require vastly more instruments than a mere fan would suggest. I therefore complicate my environment through hyper-awareness of ‘unnecessary’ details.
I used to use my addictions but they were unhealthy because within them I lost control of those solutions.
My natural state is to try to understand the infinity of sensory information. This is disturbing because it is impossible.
Simplifying sensory information might be my solution.
Extreme focus on something which allows extreme focus might also be the solution.