Relaxing makes me ill

SPAM! 

Liquid sunlight Mefitation from headspace is good because I can put intense focus on fantastically relaxing words.

I also suffer from stress at times, too. Work, socialising, life, my health, all can increase my stress levels. 

I find walking my dog helps, when I can, as I also have physical issues relating to my health. I used to find fishing extremely de stressing, helped to switch off my mind. I'm thinking about taking this up again next year, as I now work part time. 

Pain also causes me stress, as I've suffered from chronic pain for over 30 years now, so trying to keep my mind off it also decreases my stress levels, too. We are complex people, so not one shoe fits all approach. A hot bath/soak also decreases my stress levels. 

You have explained that very well. 

The mindfulness course was designed for NTs, like everything else in this world. I now understand why I became so overwhelmed during the exercises, which were teaching awareness of surroundings and bodies. I was already hyperaware and to force myself to focus on them was way too much.

I guess like most things mindfulness is designed for NTs... If we are usually hyperaware of our surrounding and our bodies then what we more need is perhaps a way to block out some of that info? So maybe for us the kind of mindfulness which is to focus on just one thing like a single leaf is more useful. Our hyperfocus may be so compelling to us because it is the only way we usually get to ignore that other stuff.

While too much sensory input is distressing I appreciate that it is better not to lose the use of the senses.  That is why I make an effort to write gratitude lists around the incredibly beautiful intensity of colours sounds smells and feeling.  I appreciate being alive.  

Naturally with such amazing sensory gifts I need a break from the intensity occasionally.  
I am always looking for positive ways to simplify my perception and take a break from unnecessary sensory input.  

Eg Recently I have started appreciate the benefits of staring at white paper as closely as possible - with reading glasses to allow me to get close.

I noticed recently that the disturbing noise in the bathroom which has seemingly infinite parts, pitches etc to it is simply the fan.   For some reason I have chased each individual component of the sound instead of ignoring it as ‘the fan’.  If one were to assign an orchestra to play this sound the many different hums inherent in the fan noise would require vastly more instruments than a mere fan would suggest.  I therefore complicate my environment through hyper-awareness of ‘unnecessary’ details. 

I used to use my addictions but they were unhealthy because within them I lost control of those solutions.  

My natural state is to try to understand the infinity of sensory information.  This is disturbing because it is impossible. 

Simplifying sensory information might be my solution.

Extreme focus on something which allows extreme focus might also be the solution. 

I'm glad to know it isn't just me who doesn't find the focus on breathing relaxing.

I attended an 8 week mindfulness course a few years ago, it was recommended to me for anxiety. It was quite an eye opener that they seemed to think I wasn't already aware of my surroundings. The assumption was that everyone was constantly thinking about other things. I don't multitask well and prefer to solely focus on whatever I am doing at the time. 

I think in general I am a mindful person. Few can be more mindful than an autistic person in a state of hyperfocus about their special interests. If I do get repetitive or intrusive thoughts about something then that becomes my new 'focus' until that issue is resolved.

It must be something specific about the voices rather than voice per se as I do enjoy other forms of singing. I especially dislike soprano, but it is not the pitch as I love Allegri Miserere and that has some very high singing. It is not about understanding the words as I enjoy songs in languages I do not know.

Thanks for the recommend, I am listening now, that is lovely.

maybe voices? after all they do not use their repertuar of sounds, they'd use to speak, that makes them harder to understand. I've got speech recognition issue in loud places.

I'm not fun of opera as well, or any music with lyrics

Albinoni oboe concertos

Sorry to read of your childhood abuse.

I also love classical baroque. I like most classical except the weird modernist stuff, but not opera. I don't know why I don't like opera as I do like choral music. It puzzles me and annoys me to not be able to work out why I don't like it, most things I dislike I know what it is about them that I dislike.

Haha, I watch podcasts in silent mod with subtitles, movies too sometimes, and sometimes at increased speed.

No sound preferance is a direct result of my childhood, any noise meant extra beating from my 'dad', I had nothing to listen to music anyway, so it came into my life late, after I hit 40, I listen to classical baroque mostly, when cooking or having dinner with friends

Oh yes, I love to cycle, on my trike, hence the name! I was glad it's not just me with the loathing for trying to relax by focus on breath! I have to cycle with my husband in case I puncture (loads of hawthorns here and my hands are weak due to my physical disability) and sometimes he says inane things while we are going up a hill and I am just in my zone and he interrupts it! I often have to ask him not to do that unless it was either something he had to say or something I actually find interesting!

As regards the mindfulness, the book was about reducing stress so I thought it might be useful, but I prefer my own methods than those in that book. At least it wasn't one I paid for! I prefer prayer to meditation, or hyperfocus on a special interest. Or listening to a podcast or music while doing an online jigsaw. Or watching pov mtb videos preferably raw footage with no music. I could list more things but I expect it would be boring!

Try physical excercising away from people, you won't have to think about breathing, so you can focus on inside easier. For me it's cycling, outside city, and off-peak I can push faster until warmed up and breathing properly, from there it's straight like an arrow, I often lose track of reality and find myself I arrived at destination without remembering the way, while all the time I was thinking on something else. I find it the closest thing to meditation I can do.

Autonomistic said:

Most mindfulness exercises focus on the breathing, however as soon as I do that I immediately feel that I can't breathe and start to panic. I can't seem to just observe my breathing I have to be in control. Then it's as if I forget to breathe! The 'body scan' exercise I find anxiety inducing too. I am hyper sensitive to my own internal body functions

I also cannot be doing with anything which wants me to focus on my breathing! I hate it! I was starting to wonder if I had a mental block or just resistance so I'm glad I'm not alone. It doesn't make me panic but it does annoy me and make me tense which is the opposite of the desired result. Also the internal focus one, especially as I have arthritis and have to try and ignore unpleasant bodily sensations a lot of the time.

I was listening to a book on mindfulness the other day and the other exercise it was on about was being aware of your surroundings and noticing things. My thoughts were that I am like that anyway and do they mean most people are not aware of their surroundings? I think it's only if I focus on something else or something specific that I notice less the other things. So I guess reducing focus from everything to this one leaf or whatever might be relatively relaxing, but hyperfocus on my special interest works for that too... except of course then it is hard to stop!

There are more states than just those two extremes. Moderation, middle way, homeostasis...all very good for stamina & longevity in life

But I love it to think 10 times faster

I can stop, and turn into a statue, like a mim, but my mind never stops

Why wouldn't you want your thinking to slow down? This is ultimately the point, well one of many.

Our natural paced breath is meant to be the pace you realise. Your racing mind needs to be allowed to slow to this rhythm

JT said:

Work less, relax more, smile often, laugh a lot

I'm trying to get there without slowing my thinking down, 

unless it says somewhere that hypervigilance isn't a way to do it

and my spirit animal is a badger, so it can be both

That is so great to hear. For me, if I can (I have a 2 year old!) I ensure it is the first thing I do when I wake up, before I leave bed even. That way, none of 'the world' outside (emails, social media, chat) has chance to set me off in a rhythm that is reminiscent of stress.

Setting a baseline that is just your unconscious mind listening to your breath ensures that is the natural rhythm you follow. It really is quite magical.

Good luck. I follow Asian culture a lot, especially Japan & parts of Indonesia, due to their committment to their way of life.

Calm is seen as an aspirational state in Chinese culture, where as in the west the NT world seems to hunger after experiencing thrills, adrenaline, or pushing yourself. So it is no wonder we all feel frazzled - as a community I think those with autism call out to live more in tune with out evolution, not this manmade horror show that is projected by media & consumer culture

Work less, relax more, smile often, laugh a lot - and buy a cat to copy, they are aloof, calming, primal, and sensitive. My spirit animal for sure

Good luck guys, keep the faith, and follow the sun