Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm feeling worried about my future, the worry is increasing every single day. Currently I'm living with my parents and I love them to bits. I also heavily rely on them, I can't cook, do phone calls, or do money and shopping. My whole life is literally me just writing and reading. They are approaching 60 now and in recent years have both suffered with health problems and I'm more than aware now that time is running out, maybe not today, or this year, but at some point they will both be gone and then my future and life will be very empty and probably extremely difficult. I know I won't cope with one of their deaths when it comes. I can hardly cope with small every day things. Death is a huge worry of mine and I know when both my parents are gone I'll crash and burn. Sometimes I look at suicide as an option, I think about it, not actually doing it just ponder it. But all the ways seem too scary and painful. And I know your not meant to and I'm a good girl always, but I still don't want to face all this and don't want to see it happen... But I know it's going to happen. Parents do die, it's a fact of life, but I can't process it and understand it all.
I've looked for support and help to understand it and stop worrying but doctors just ignored that and said I was mentally unwell. I need help with the autism but there's no help around it seems.
I'm hoping some people here may have gone through this and can help me out.
X
I was really depressed and anxious in my 17-20 years because I would constantly worry about the future. I flunked out of college with D grades all round because I had no idea what I wanted and didn't even try. I opted for easy courses and still flopped. I was super depressed at the time and so worried about my future. I wanted to just run away and move to somewhere else and start again
Now almost 10 years later, I'm doing fine. I don't love my job, but it's comfy and easy especially compared to some of my friends. I've got a mortgage and an easy life, and to be honest I'm pretty happy with it
Sure I'd love a job that I really enjoy but honestly, I've come to realise how lucky I am especially during lockdown, and with flexible hours I can enjoy my personal life (obviously not really right now but hey!)
They always say you either have a boring job and money, or a job you love and no money. It's probably true
Though I'd love to be a full time musician, that ain't gonna happen any time soon hahahaha, I'll keep it to a hobby for now