Worried about my future

i probably share same fears as u do. It is normal for a child to fear losing parents who has been in their shade since birth. sometimes missing them while they are there is ok too. But u know it too that you are going to spend most of your life with yourself. Get comfortable around yourself as much as you can. Feel and be with them as much as you can. As far as your career security is concerned, its an ongoing process. Find yourself a line where your writing and reading will help you get an income . Start Slowly but just have a start. Being in bed won't help. They will also get relieved when they will see you taking a stand . and for them and yourself too..just do it.

I was really depressed and anxious in my 17-20 years because I would constantly worry about the future. I flunked out of college with D grades all round because I had no idea what I wanted and didn't even try. I opted for easy courses and still flopped. I was super depressed at the time and so worried about my future. I wanted to just run away and move to somewhere else and start again

Now almost 10 years later, I'm doing fine. I don't love my job, but it's comfy and easy especially compared to some of my friends. I've got a mortgage and an easy life, and to be honest I'm pretty happy with it

Sure I'd love a job that I really enjoy but honestly, I've come to realise how lucky I am especially during lockdown, and with flexible hours I can enjoy my personal life (obviously not really right now but hey!)

They always say you either have a boring job and money, or a job you love and no money. It's probably true

Though I'd love to be a full time musician, that ain't gonna happen any time soon hahahaha, I'll keep it to a hobby for now

Hi Bookworm. A lot of what you wrote resonated with me, as I have had similar thoughts over the years. My mother died three years ago, my father is still alive (but in his late 70s and not well). It's horrible to think about loved ones dying, and I used to think about it a lot, but try not to let those worries get in the way of spending and enjoying time with them now. Make the most of them! Approaching 60 is nothing, really, these days - they may have a very long time left. And my experience was that when I reached that point, and my mother died, although I was incredibly sad, and still am, and still miss her every day, actually I'm able to have a better (and happier_ perspective of her than I had when she was ill. When I think about her now, I smile. I don't have the stress of seeing her bed ridden with dementia and I'm able to 'see' her whole life, and what she meant to me, and appreciate it. I think a lot of people struggle more with 'little things' (like cooking and shopping) than 'big things' (like life and death) - I think it's just a coping mechanism.

But more than anything, stay safe - reach out to people - parents, any friends you may have, support groups, organisations like the Samaritans - if and when you have suicidal thoughts.

Losing a parent is never easy for anyone, but such life changes can be especially difficult for autistic people.

I worry a lot about my elderly mum and like you I have fears about how I will cope when she is no longer around. 

Unfortunately as you have found there is hardly any support available for autistic adults via the NHS. However you can request a needs assessment from Social Services, which may provide some support.

It is natural to worry but when your worries are increasing every day maybe there might be some help you could get with managing them. Perhaps you could ask your doctor to refer you for some CBT to help with managing worry. As you like reading you could also look for books on the subject.

There may come a time when your parents come to rely more heavily on you for the things they can no longer do. As you love them to bits and would want to help them it would be good to start now taking over some of the things they currently do. I'm sure they would enjoy teaching you.

You could start trying to take some practical steps to learn more about some of the things you can't do currently. Just tackle one thing at a time, so that it doesn't become overwhelming. Having a focus could even take your mind off your worries for a while. Again try and find some books on the topic you want to learn more about.

Dealing with each of the tasks you have mentioned in turn:

Cooking: you could start observing your parents in the kitchen and reading some books on the subject. There are plenty of ready meals and convenience foods available, so cooking doesn't have to be difficult or complicated.

Phone calls: I totally get this and it is a big issue for many autistic people. I have big problems making phone calls too and my mum still helps me when they are unavoidable. Thankfully most things can now be done online by email or live chat.

Money: Ask your parents to share with you the household budget and explain what comes in and what needs to be paid for. There is a lot of good advice on money matters on websites such as moneysavingexpert.com, also forums there where you can ask about anything you're not sure of.

Shopping: That doesn't have to mean visiting noisy and overwhelming shops and supermarkets. Absolutely anything and everything can be purchased online. I assume you're fairly comfortable going online, since you're here.

I think and hope that you will have a lot more time than you fear to prepare yourself to live more independently. I do not know the specific issues but 60 is still relatively young and a lot of health conditions can be successfully treated. My mum has suffered from numerous health problems for many years and I have worried about her for as long. However most of those worries have proved unfounded, as she is in her 80s now.

i sorta gone through it but i ended up also getting frustrated at being alone and that pushed me into jumping into a job which may have sorted my problems and made life easier.

the trick is perhaps to try and get a permanent full time job somehow. with that you get your premade social connections from the job without effort plus money which you can save real quick living with parents to raise a deposit on a house.... or more likely just afford a rental place of your own seeing as its hard to beat landlords in bidding to buy a house now and theres so many picky requirements to get a mortgage that it will be declined at the last minute. so yeah they key is to actually get a job, which will be hard but for me the hardness and pressure and depression of being alone forced me down into a job which made getting a job easier than putting up with depression all day in my bedroom. will be a agency job at first as agencies take on anyone and dont care if you have never worked or about your cv or anything, and also they dont give you a interview, when you get picked by a agency they pretty much slot you into a job right away, no questions asked, no interview... then you just do the unskilled basic job, and likely be given permanent contract as youd likely perform better than the rest as the rest will be lazy workers or foreign workers that you will notice just want to stand around and do nothing all day at work and be give a wage just for their presence there. so its easy once you get your foot in the door with how rubbish the rest of the staff usually are. you will be a valued worker. and they will recognise that you work better alone like my line manager noticed how i pretty much can work better alone but my style gets cramped as soon as they add other workers. but yeah you should make it once you get in, and you can get in easily anywhere by agency without a interview, but it will likely be a manual labour warehousing job.