Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm feeling worried about my future, the worry is increasing every single day. Currently I'm living with my parents and I love them to bits. I also heavily rely on them, I can't cook, do phone calls, or do money and shopping. My whole life is literally me just writing and reading. They are approaching 60 now and in recent years have both suffered with health problems and I'm more than aware now that time is running out, maybe not today, or this year, but at some point they will both be gone and then my future and life will be very empty and probably extremely difficult. I know I won't cope with one of their deaths when it comes. I can hardly cope with small every day things. Death is a huge worry of mine and I know when both my parents are gone I'll crash and burn. Sometimes I look at suicide as an option, I think about it, not actually doing it just ponder it. But all the ways seem too scary and painful. And I know your not meant to and I'm a good girl always, but I still don't want to face all this and don't want to see it happen... But I know it's going to happen. Parents do die, it's a fact of life, but I can't process it and understand it all.
I've looked for support and help to understand it and stop worrying but doctors just ignored that and said I was mentally unwell. I need help with the autism but there's no help around it seems.
I'm hoping some people here may have gone through this and can help me out.
X
Losing a parent is never easy for anyone, but such life changes can be especially difficult for autistic people.
I worry a lot about my elderly mum and like you I have fears about how I will cope when she is no longer around.
Unfortunately as you have found there is hardly any support available for autistic adults via the NHS. However you can request a needs assessment from Social Services, which may provide some support.
It is natural to worry but when your worries are increasing every day maybe there might be some help you could get with managing them. Perhaps you could ask your doctor to refer you for some CBT to help with managing worry. As you like reading you could also look for books on the subject.
There may come a time when your parents come to rely more heavily on you for the things they can no longer do. As you love them to bits and would want to help them it would be good to start now taking over some of the things they currently do. I'm sure they would enjoy teaching you.
You could start trying to take some practical steps to learn more about some of the things you can't do currently. Just tackle one thing at a time, so that it doesn't become overwhelming. Having a focus could even take your mind off your worries for a while. Again try and find some books on the topic you want to learn more about.
Dealing with each of the tasks you have mentioned in turn:
Cooking: you could start observing your parents in the kitchen and reading some books on the subject. There are plenty of ready meals and convenience foods available, so cooking doesn't have to be difficult or complicated.
Phone calls: I totally get this and it is a big issue for many autistic people. I have big problems making phone calls too and my mum still helps me when they are unavoidable. Thankfully most things can now be done online by email or live chat.
Money: Ask your parents to share with you the household budget and explain what comes in and what needs to be paid for. There is a lot of good advice on money matters on websites such as moneysavingexpert.com, also forums there where you can ask about anything you're not sure of.
Shopping: That doesn't have to mean visiting noisy and overwhelming shops and supermarkets. Absolutely anything and everything can be purchased online. I assume you're fairly comfortable going online, since you're here.
I think and hope that you will have a lot more time than you fear to prepare yourself to live more independently. I do not know the specific issues but 60 is still relatively young and a lot of health conditions can be successfully treated. My mum has suffered from numerous health problems for many years and I have worried about her for as long. However most of those worries have proved unfounded, as she is in her 80s now.