Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I have 2 autistic children but both very different!! Many people don’t realise or understand they are autistic and often my son is seen as naughty :( he has had a fantastic year of school and I felt we were managing things so so well! He was coping much better and we were able to enjoy more things as a family! However for a few weeks now he has really started to struggle and is seeming as though he is extremely badly behaved, he’s not listening, he’s hyper all the time despite us doing so much to support him! We are ment to be going on holiday with friends next week but I’m now feeling just either me and my husband will take our daughter and the other stay at home with him because when he’s like this I worry for his safety, he runs away sometimes and whilst he’s clearly overwhelmed and struggling with the end of term, I feel so worried and stressed as he ignores everything we say, and does not see danger himself. Me and my husbands relationship has been tested along with the challenges we face with both children and the fact my son will not go to bed at night. We feel we have come to the end of our relationship and don’t stand together as a team anymore? Ww have different views on how we should discipline and deal with things and I feel like we have grown apart. :( we will need to stay living together for our children but I’m feeling incredibly sad and drained at the moment and wonder if anyone else’s relationship is suffering? And if they would avoid going away and certain places?? it may be nice for my daughter to have some alone time away with one of us as my son keeps hitting her and being quite aggressive. But then I feel terrible he’s not included and missing out!
im sorry for the long message but I’m just really looking for some support, and others going through the same as me, I feel quite alone and don’t really feel others understand
thank you
heat wakes ADHD, its hyperactive element, and attention switching
it gets out of control completely when it's 25 C or more in my case, I can't sit for longer than 20min, if I try, I just find myself standing by the window 5min later for example, looking at a bird calling me merrily
WHAT WORKS? make him run 5miles, or until he tires, wearing earplugs and listening to something that would make him want to move, and then he eats, and go sleep, hopefully
the worst you could do is keeping him locked now, I think, he night not be aware of it, and know only that he can't take it anymore
summertime, starting from 8y.o I went to visit my aunt, to help with works in the fields on their farm, so I was never locked in my room
during schooldays Between 10 and 18 y.o I kept reading books all night, going to bed 4am and getting up 7am to go to school, compensating on Sunday and sleeping until noon
Im so sorry to hear what your going through, it cant be easy.
Your son sounds quite similar to my son. Me and my son are both autistic. He gets very hyper and People think hes naughty but hes not. The most important thing to remember with your son is that he cant help it, its not his fault. Thats the golden rule you have to live by, remember he cant help it
You may sometimes have to do seperate things with your daughter but if you do try and do something with your son as well so he knows he is still loved. If he senses hes being left out then his behaviour will get worse because he wont be able to process why it is happening and he will think you dont love him as much. Trust me, for autistic kids their parents are their world
Things that may help
Sensory fidget toys. My son has several that really help him. Hes got to the point now where if he feels a meltdown coming on he will actually ask for them. I can send you links to the ones he has if it will help you. Theyre not expensive
Familar videos. Does your son have anything that calms him down? Like a song on you tube or a particular tv sh0w that he will watch over and over again. If he does, try playing this when he has a meltdown
Reducing stimulation. Try not to have too many different noises going on around him, TV, computer, phones for instance. Just one source of noise in the room helps. Too many and he will become over stimulated and either meltdown or become really hyper. Non autistic people really dont realise how much things over stimulate us autistic people, we are aware of every noise in a room, even a boiler gurgling or a car going past. Its very exhausting
Not inforcing "normal" bedtimes. Autistic kids can operate to their own clock and the more you enforce a traditional bedtime the more stress you will have. We are still struggling with bedtime routines so I cant help too much here but not having TV on in bed for him helps as does not putting too much pressure on him to go to bed if that makes sense. The more pressure you put on him the more he will resist
As for you and your husband, im sorry to hear its affecting your marraige. sadly it often does. All I can say is never stop communicating about how you both think and feel, even if you disgaree thats ok, just keep talking and listening to each other. And above all, build into every day time for each of you to be alone and have some me time. And time to be together without the kids, even if its just for a 20 minute sitcom after theyve gone to bed. I know its not easy but trust me its vital!