Public Speaking

Yes, I addressed a group of maybe about 14 people in a village hall at a parish council meeting. I find it near impossible to speak to more than one person at a time so this was a major feat for me.

Just walking in the room and sitting down was a massive ordeal but I believed I had to do it to show support for the suggestion of lowering the speed limit through our village. I am passionate about this as I do not believe we should be put at risk and have our lives ruined on a daily basis by people who cannot have the common sense or respect to slow down for about 60 seconds.

I can not say that my little speech was successful, because it wasn't, it was as though I was addressing a group of brain washed zombies with no vision of how things could be better and who were quite happy to keep everything as awful as it can be. Why is it that any suggestion of improving things seems to be so often so enthusiastically crushed? It was almost as though they derived some sort of pleasure from pointing out all the reasons why a lowered speed limit would be impossible.

For the rest of the meeting, after I had spoken, I trembled so violently and uncontrollably that I had to sit on my hands and tuck my feet under the chair and, even though it was uncomfortably warm in the hall, my still teeth chattered and waves of shaking travelled though me. It took me days to wind down after that event, I felt as though I would never rid my body of all the adrenaline and cortisol that must have been surging through my veins and, for hours, my blood was ringing with a high pitched intensity in my ears as I relived what I had said over and over again. Even now, months later, l feel sick whenever I think about it!

You did so well to speak to so many people AND for your speech to be a success. I think it is probably natural to have trouble balancing mood/emotion after something so stressful yet potentially rewarding. I think a lot of people have a need to be stimulated and find adrenaline addictive as it satisfies something in them, it makes them feel and enjoy a sort of euphoria. For me, these states are not rewarding but are instead unpalatable and too much for me to regulate.

I can relate to a lot of what you said about negative side effect afterwards. I have a very down feeling at the forefront of my mind at the moment, along with a headache and I can’t seem to sit still.

NAS79256 said:

I think a lot of people have a need to be stimulated and find adrenaline addictive as it satisfies something in them, it makes them feel and enjoy a sort of euphoria. For me, these states are not rewarding but are instead unpalatable and too much for me to regulate.

This is true for me as well. To much adrenaline equates to a sensory overload, or at least what I experience in sensory overload.

I’ve been fighting off a bit of a meltdown ever since. It’s odd considering I actually managed to do the thing.

Yes, I can relate to the down feeling and experience the same thing after being in any situation that requires me to simultaneously put in a lot of effort and be out of my comfort zone. This probably equates to most situations for me and has led me to becoming somewhat of a hermit as there is just no positive internal feedback for me. Instead of feeling buoyed up and pleased with myself (or even relieved that it is over), I will feel inexplicably depressed, hollow and, at the same time,  completely "wired " as though there is too much electricity going through my brain, finding it impossible then to relax and turn off. 

I find that the "wired" feeling is uncomfortable and exhausting but does pass eventually in a day or so, whereas the "down" feeling takes much longer. I often think that the aftermath of such a situation is worse than the situation itself.

I wonder if the finding it difficult to sit still thing is because you needed to generate so much energy to do the thing, more than actually needed, so that after you finished there is a surplus of it left over with nowhere to go. Maybe going for a walk or doing something physical might help to dissipate it and also help with the down feeling.

Yes, I can relate to the down feeling and experience the same thing after being in any situation that requires me to simultaneously put in a lot of effort and be out of my comfort zone. This probably equates to most situations for me and has led me to becoming somewhat of a hermit as there is just no positive internal feedback for me. Instead of feeling buoyed up and pleased with myself (or even relieved that it is over), I will feel inexplicably depressed, hollow and, at the same time,  completely "wired " as though there is too much electricity going through my brain, finding it impossible then to relax and turn off. 

I find that the "wired" feeling is uncomfortable and exhausting but does pass eventually in a day or so, whereas the "down" feeling takes much longer. I often think that the aftermath of such a situation is worse than the situation itself.

I wonder if the finding it difficult to sit still thing is because you needed to generate so much energy to do the thing, more than actually needed, so that after you finished there is a surplus of it left over with nowhere to go. Maybe going for a walk or doing something physical might help to dissipate it and also help with the down feeling.

The imagery you have conjured in this post is so visual and I can most definitely relate to a lot of what you have written here. I really appreciate your wording.

NAS79256 said:

I find that the "wired" feeling is uncomfortable and exhausting but does pass eventually in a day or so, whereas the "down" feeling takes much longer.

This is so true for me as well. But I can also find that when the ‘wired’ feeling goes, I can occasionally jump the gun and think that the aftermath is over, only to be surprised with my emotions again slightly later.

With regards to sitting still, I pace a lot naturally. I do wonder if it’s a form of stimming for me. I don’t know why, but I made myself stand still during the speech, which is very much against my natural inclination. Considering I was talking about difference, in hindsight I regret stifling myself in this way. I think I definitely bottled up my nervous energy. I’m planning on keeping myself busy this evening in order to work through some of it.