Published on 12, July, 2020
Probably feel more anxious these days when I'm by myself than when I'm at work which is ironic cause by the end of a week I feel like I need a few days off with no people Worried about others always alone even though I still live at home worrying about the future trying to make sense of why nurotypicals hate us and why they hate us feeling butter cause nothing ever changes for us. Scared to go out on my days off cause you think everyone is out to screw you over even though in reality there not and not being able sleep due to dwelling on the past and thinking back to how you've been treated and feeling like your in hell I don't beleive in heaven hell but metaphoricaly. Speaking. Like s constant headache that won't go away.
Free time means free to think, and thinking of worries (and fears) will raise your anxiety levels. Anxiety then causes more worrying thoughts and leads to depression and mental illnesses or disturbances.
Autistic people tend to self-focus between not self-focussing (dealing with others, going out, etc.), and that means you can stuck on thoughts that aren't helpful or make you feel bad/worse/ill.
If you have only known this way of being (as I had), then you are locked into this, but if you can think yourself into anxiety or illness then you can probably think yourself into feeling calm and wellness.
When you have free time is good to self-focus, but don't make it suffer-time, choose something else.
Yes, be aware of worries and fears but observe them and dwell on them - worries and fears need action to reduce or clear them away, not more thoughts. Getting stuck on the thinking rather that the action bit. Some things you can't solve, or can't solve for now, so the action is to accept you can't solve it/them.
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