Published on 12, July, 2020
My wife complains that I don't listen to her until things get so bad that she shouts and/or cries.
I know I can listen, and listen well. I used to be a listening volunteer for the Samaritans, and had no issues listening then. As far as I can tell, the difference is that at Samaritans, I'd put myself in "listening mode" before picking up the phone. We always let it ring a few times before picking up, and we'd use that time to prepare ourselves.
It seems that if I don't consciously get myself ready to listen, I don't really listen, which causes problems.
I've only recently realised that I'm autistic. I've seen advice about helping autistic people do things, but they all seem to revolve around writing down instructions and putting them where they'll be seen at the relevant time. But I can't know in advance when I'll need to properly listen, so that doesn't seem very helpful.
Does anyone have any advice or ideas?
I can tell you from the upwards of 40 years of experience that a little symbolic logic rescued me. Along side 2 key things: Theatre classes, some improv, some cold reading, among others which aided harnessing my focus and the other thing being yoga or judo - the kind which teaches how to harness focus and continually redirect attention to a muscle or active engagement in one expression/movement.
From what I understand our brains are a bundle of chaos, and learning to untangle these thoughts or just allow that chaos to form around us while we focus on one thing or task or idea or sentiment takes practice!
One technique which could be useful, is to find a book or manual which is written in such a way you could envision and engage the imagination. 1. Have your wife read a short sentence, picture it and repeat it back to her. It doesn't have to be verbatim but continue to do this a little every day and it may help!