Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been meaning to start a thread on this for ages, but in a way it's such a big hang-up that I kept delaying it. Bur firemonkey's thread about fitting in has prompted me to have a go at putting some words together on the subject. Because this particular thing often makes me feel disproportionately alone/singular on a forum despite statistics I've seen elsewhere indicating that I shouldn't be.
The statistic in question: That 44% of 'high-functioning' autistic people are in relationships, and 56% are not.
When I read that about four months ago, it took a lot of the sense of societal pressure I'd been feeling momentarily off me, as I realised that I'm (within autistic circles) not only less of a minority than I'd be in society generally (where about 16% are in the mid-to long-term single camp at any one time, and about 5% have no real relationship history to speak of), but even part of a majority - the people who (at any given moment at any rate) are autistic and single. Presumably meaning that there's a core constituency of the long-term single somewhat larger than that NT-normative 5%-16% spectrum that I just mentioned.
So, when I came on here, I expected to see - comfortingly - others like me. Been on their own most of their life, live alone, and so on.
But nearly everybody on here who initially talks about not connecting well with people, struggling in society, needing a lot of solitude etc. will at some point casually reference a partner, spouse, children. The disconnect always feels strange to me. How did so many socially challenged people end up doing exactly what NTs do so perplexingly easily, and just fall into these highly prescribed, ultra-orthodox relationships and domestic - often marital - situations and why aren't they constantly reacting in puzzlement as to the contradictory nature of their situation?
I'm aware that that could almost sound like I'm trying to be derogatory about some (overall - life is complicated) lovely - hopefully!- situations for people that in fact I wish them only well with. But, like firemonkey felt about the employment stats/forum as 'proxy' situation (see the 'Not at all sure...' thread), I have an equivalent thing with the above that makes me feel very odd man out, when in theory that 54% weighting towards the contrary should be more detectably present here.
Am I wrong about that? One factor I should bear in mind is that coupled-up people (sometimes including 'living apart together's and so on) usually broadcast in real life a continuous hard signal (explicit information about that - wedding ring, who they're walking about with etc.) whereas the unmarried but in a relationship people and the truly single people are - when on solo trips out and about - blended together in complete and equal ambiguity - either status is completely undetectable at face value unless accompanied by children or somesuch. So you have to rely on probability theory to feel not anomalous when out and about. Eg. in a supermarket with 100 adults in it, 16 of them are in theory invisibly single, as I am (hope that makes sense!). Similarly, online - and very naturally - in referring to their life, a significant other, or children (the two not necessarily going together of course), or perhaps (as - I was sorry to hear - in fremonkey's case) being a widow - a coupled-up person soon confirms themselves as such. But that seems to be nearly everyone on here, and I can't make the evidence square adequately with the statistic in a way that doesn't leave me feeling like a strange outlier that even many on here would look at as a bit weird for not fitting into the norm more in at least (as if it was so easy!) that respect. It feels kind of lonely, and that a cosmic joke constantly has the objective truth of things hidden in my blind-spot, no matter what mental gymnastics or research I put myself through.
If there's anyone else on here who is single and comfortable saying so (I'm not trying to smoke you out for some nefarious agenda - that's absolutely not what this is about!) I'd appreciate that, as right now I feel like an alien even among aliens. And feeling so just a tiny bit less would be nice(r).
You are right to highlight curious inconsistencies. But over time austic people seem to be able to fall into NT settings at random.
Life already is contrasted by manifold contradictions as they exist in nature. For instance at the north pole a compass tries to inform that the explorer is nowhere I.E the needle won't settle. When on the exact spot one is not even 'North' anymore, since no meaning remains for going north by the time an over the maximum state of travel to it has happened. That place has as much status in terms of potential to be south - east and - west as it has for north by the time someone stands within such a void of directional meaning.. The term used to cover this eventuality is Abstraction, and its causation is linked to going beyond the realms of that which the sphere shape can offer with regard to consistency as a physically measurable thing. In other words although a whole can be known, there is an aspect to it that cannot. Another interpretation is that as there is a 'typical' demarcation (NT), then anyone atypical is a contradiction from the word go by that comparison since autistic people fall outside of the NT realm and become an abstraction by comparison - Autism = Abstraction when measured against NT. So contradictions can seem exist quite happily around autistic people & they might well align, or seem conducive to NT states of being, since contradiction is a natural phenomenon at the bottom line. For example what is not an abstraction - say if my autistic asked the NT at large et al - why did they implement a trading bloc treaty, hidden inside of a security treaty ( brussels pact 1948 ) with those who's committed a holocaust a few years earlier ? In that instance we'd not be dealing with a contradiction but violation of logic. But there is an abstraction concerning 'They' - I.E who were they who signed that treaty. It wasn't the NT 'people' en masse - it was apparently just a few NT representatives of the people. However such a thing isn't conducive to neurotypicality & finally we do find an abstraction once we've subtracted NT from a state of people who are neither autistic not NT. So what sort of contradiction is that ? I'm not sure as i'd not sign such a treaty with people who'd overseen a human holocaust. How they committed to such a contradiction can only be explained as it being part of the human condition, & nature ( or a God where preferred ) designed that condition = Nature. A human cannot think anything up without that ability to do so being by that cause. Why didn't the masses stop them - they didn't & its another contradiction. What about Putin ? - in his case there has been a sudden reality check concerning it is not ok to trade with genocidists But trading with such people has happened since 1948. ( i've only chosen big stuff to expose contraction in its wider context- no other reason )
Thus contradiction is everywhere actually and is far more a part of the human experience than it might seem.
The problem is the State seeking control of the Economy. *** and Communists shared that same objective.
Plus, American Exceptionalism sought cultural hegemony. We won the battles eighty years ago, but lost the war.