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Feeling so alien and out of tune with the rest of the world

MrsG

Gosh I'm struggling so much at the minute.  I am so grateful that I'm beginning to understand myself slightly better (I'm self diagnosed - waiting for my formal diagnosis) but gosh it's hard when you've had an inner voice telling you for years that you're weird to stop that 'alien' feeling. 

I just don't understand conversations with others - I never know whether people are talking toe about negative or positive things so I just don't know how to react to them and I find myself repeating 'oh right' over and over again.  I'm also just not interested in small talk and inane chit chat and I can't understand why people are.  

I also just can't face any kind of social interaction with anyone other than my immediate family - I'm just happy at home watching old comedies on repeat and doing my puzzles.  Luckily my husband is beginning to understand me a little better but that negative loop in my head is tricky to stop.

  • in reply to MrsG

    Sudokus are great :) Have you tried Killer Sudokus? I recently discovered this sudoku variation and they are lots of fun! 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I love sudoku, crosswords, arrow-words, code words  

    I love the magazine Puzzler Collection.  I'm pretty much obsessed with them at the moment   

  • What puzzles do you like? 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Thank you so much for your reply - it really helps. 

    As a child my mum just wanted me to fit in and I know my parents think of me as a bit weird (I overheard my dad once saying why I couldn't be more like my brother and have lots of friends rather than just one) and this has certainly not helped but gosh it's made me so determined not to ever make my sons feel pressured into being or acting a certain way.

    I enjoyed university too - it was great because there was such a diverse group of people but work is tricky - luckily I've learned to be honest with people and just explain I'm not good socially.  Lunch time at work was also a complete nightmare for me but luckily work have agreed to reduce my hours so I now only work mornings and I come home for lunch - it's such a huge relief when I get home.

  • Hi, I can relate to the alien feeling- I've referred to myself as an alien for a long time (starting as a teenager, I'm now 25)- I felt so out of place at school and could never fit in. I'm also struggling at the moment as I feel so weird and different at work. But there are many other aliens out there in the world (different types of alien of course- alien is not alien)- I went to university in Cambridge which was a very positive experience for me- it's a paradise for aliens- lots of people there were a bit different and whilst I was still weird (I did like to withdraw a lot etc), I felt like I fit in and I found some like-minded people that I connected to. I recently moved abroad though and I am really struggling in my new place- feeling more like an alien than ever and it is hard. 

    It's fine to not want to socialise with people outside your family. Socialising in my opinion should be a pleasant experience- If you had told me at school that making friends (with the right people) is easy, I would never have believed it- but when I did come accross some like-minded people I didn't even conciously try to make friends- the connection was there, we met through similar interests (no small talk involved really :)). I am still in touch with friends virtually at the moment but I do feel sad and weird at the moment- I also struggle with small talk and group discussions- I tried sitting with my collegues at lunch twice now at work but I just cannot relate to the topics and it just stresses me out and overwhelms me. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me - why can't I just fit in and be like everybody else and enjoy things they enjoy... . 

    I really hope that you find your group of fellow aliens one day :) - as a young child I was proud to be different (my mum did a good job at that) -but then reality caught up with me and I struggled more and more. I wish I could go back to that feeling that I had a small child- It would probably be healthier for all of us if we were more accepting and proud of who we are, rather than trying to fit in with people that we do not fit in with. 

    I'm also waiting for a formal diagnosis. I hope that might also help to give some kind of peace with myself. 

    I wish you all the best :). Take care! Best, Ann 

  • in reply to Treemily

    Yes I know exactly what you mean - my inner voice has told me for years I must be an awful person because I just can't cope with what others seem to cope with easily - and this unfortunately has led to a pretty much decimated self esteem leading to years of depression and anxiety.  I'm getting slightly better because i now know that this is all just because I'm autistic but sometimes the inner voice still wins.

  • in reply to AnnieH

    Yes that's exactly what I do - give neutral responses because I'm just not sure what else to say.  It's always such a relief when I can get away from the person so I can just be myself again. 

  • Hi,

    Sorry to hear that you're struggling just now. I think everyone on here can relate to what you say about feeling 'weird' to some degree. It can be a very lonely feeling.

    Like you I struggle with chit chat - I can do it, but find it impossible to sound enthusiastic which I suppose it off putting for the other person involved. And general conversation is quite painful really (I generally become somewhat mute with an occasional 'Mmm' thrown in from time to time which is quite a safe neutral response).

  • I'm struggling too. I'm not sure I have anything useful as it's all relatively  new to me too, but at least we know that we are not alone.

    My inner voice has been telling me I'm not so much an alien but maybe just an awful person,  for years.. but now I have my diagnosis I'm hoping to be able to accept more that it's other people who don't understand my difficulties. I really struggle fitting in and maintaining relationships and rejection is a huge trigger for my emotional de regulation.