Feeling so alien and out of tune with the rest of the world

Gosh I'm struggling so much at the minute.  I am so grateful that I'm beginning to understand myself slightly better (I'm self diagnosed - waiting for my formal diagnosis) but gosh it's hard when you've had an inner voice telling you for years that you're weird to stop that 'alien' feeling. 

I just don't understand conversations with others - I never know whether people are talking toe about negative or positive things so I just don't know how to react to them and I find myself repeating 'oh right' over and over again.  I'm also just not interested in small talk and inane chit chat and I can't understand why people are.  

I also just can't face any kind of social interaction with anyone other than my immediate family - I'm just happy at home watching old comedies on repeat and doing my puzzles.  Luckily my husband is beginning to understand me a little better but that negative loop in my head is tricky to stop.

Parents
  • I'm struggling too. I'm not sure I have anything useful as it's all relatively  new to me too, but at least we know that we are not alone.

    My inner voice has been telling me I'm not so much an alien but maybe just an awful person,  for years.. but now I have my diagnosis I'm hoping to be able to accept more that it's other people who don't understand my difficulties. I really struggle fitting in and maintaining relationships and rejection is a huge trigger for my emotional de regulation. 

Reply
  • I'm struggling too. I'm not sure I have anything useful as it's all relatively  new to me too, but at least we know that we are not alone.

    My inner voice has been telling me I'm not so much an alien but maybe just an awful person,  for years.. but now I have my diagnosis I'm hoping to be able to accept more that it's other people who don't understand my difficulties. I really struggle fitting in and maintaining relationships and rejection is a huge trigger for my emotional de regulation. 

Children
  • Yes I know exactly what you mean - my inner voice has told me for years I must be an awful person because I just can't cope with what others seem to cope with easily - and this unfortunately has led to a pretty much decimated self esteem leading to years of depression and anxiety.  I'm getting slightly better because i now know that this is all just because I'm autistic but sometimes the inner voice still wins.