Published on 12, July, 2020
Ill cut to the chase. I am struggling like hell to cope. Not because of my child but my own ability to adult. It is so hard to get through a day even though in reality there is not much on me. I do the chores...fòod..washing etc and watch tv with her but i only go to park etc so often. I feel like a kid myself amd anything beyond basic parenting does not compute so anything like planning trips...activities etc is not my fortay. I feel incredibly guilty for it and lately been so depressed i hardly interact. I was always silly..fun gamer dad but now im in a more responsible role im finding it almost impossible to think. Im stuck in self loathing for it amd feel like my life has turned into a disaster.
Weazelbeast said:I was always silly..fun gamer dad but now im in a more responsible role im finding it almost impossible to think.
The transition from child to adult is a difficult one for many autists, especially when adulting means giving so much of yourself to your responsibilities at the cost of some of your identity.
I would recommend seeing a counsellor or psychotherapist to help you process this and find some clarity to build a plan for the future. Simply by working through how you feel may help you break free of the depression and find something beyone just your offspring.
In the meantime I think that creating windows of time for certain tasks will help you feel more in control - maybe set a schedule of "Monday is a day for the park weather permitting, Tuesday for housework, Weds in home cinema, Thurs I get to have a few hours gaming in the evening etc".
This gives you time to plan for what has to be in place for these things to happen and by using a calendar and task manager you can make sure the small stuff gets checked off in advance.
Basically, get organised. It makes life so much easier in the short term.
Once you start to see you can consistently achieve these things then this should give you a feeling of more control and it should lift your mood in its own.
The therapist will also have positive payback after a few sessions I would expect - give you the knowledge and tools to cope better.
If you can, get someone to help you make the first big step of getting organisd, creating the lists, reminders and booking a therapist (if you can that is) then just folow the steps, work on your routine and things should start to come together.
We are here to talk to if you want to chat, need advice or just have an existential crisis you need to talk about.
Respect for reaching out in this difficult time!