Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else hate birthdays?
I had one yesterday. I detested everything about it. They make me feel anxious, and the lead up to it is horrible. I can’t express how they make me feel, but I fought back a meltdown in the morning, as I had work. It was a real struggle and I still feel bad today.
I don’t like people saying happy birthday, so tried to keep my head down. I don’t understand the point of birthdays, but I still feel conflicted about what I should be doing on the day. Society expected that you do certain things to celebrate. I don’t want to celebrate. But if I don’t do something to mark the occasion, I feel left out and dejected. I don’t know why.
I still get a little cake, and I do like receiving cards. If I don’t get one, it does upset me, because it’s not hard to do, and doesn’t take any effort.
Gifts aren’t important to me, and I get stressed when I’m asked what I’d like (because I’m hard to buy for). I don’t want anyone wasting money on me, and to be honest, at this age I don’t need anything. As far as I can recall, I’ve been like this since a young child. I’m 49 by the way.
My approach for the last two years has been to run a marathon distance on my own in the morning and that renders me unable to do anything but sit around and eat for the rest of the day. I don't have my birthday on social media and I'm estranged from family so no one mentions it to me.
That sounds pleasant enough.
I’m learning what I can and can’t do for Christmas, so I think I also need a strategy for birthdays.
My ideal would be to find some nice cards on the coffee table to open in private. That’s it lol.