Birthdays

I'm with you on that one. I just feel awkward with that sort of thing.

I don't understand why people think we should be like them. I wish people could respect we find something difficult without making us feel different. If someone has an interest I don't share I wouldn't criticize them for having that interest rather than one I prefer.

Wow, this is a revelation! I never thought that not wanting to celebrate my birthday had anything to do with being on the spectrum. Now it all makes sense! (I don't have any reason for not wanting to celebrate - other than not liking parties. I just don't see any reason for doing so.)

I’m lucky enough to live in a village so my small friends circle are only people I trust and feel comfortable around. The whole concept is completely alien to me but they treat it like any other day so it’s not too terrifying. Thankfully I don’t have to go through the expectations and try to be somebody I’m not. Mind you if I don’t want to deal with something I just drive too far to be around. 

Really struggling at the moment with the run up to the Jubilee. I live in a small Close of houses. The neighbours are organising a party, my wife wants to attend and I really don’t. I find the whole idea causing anxiety. They love being in a pack, I just want to be left alone. If I don’t attend, I then look like The Grinch. I just don’t see how someone buying a house next or near to me makes us blood brothers and lifelong friends.

While having a brief text conversation with someone, I mentioned I wasn’t having a good day, after being asked about my birthday.

The response was “What? Why? You should be really happy that it’s your birthday!”

People have a habit of trying to make you feel bad for not wanting a fuss, or not participating in excessive celebrations which aren’t even necessary.

I don't get it either, its just like any other day. My wife loves it when it is her birthday and we all have to go OTT for about a week, I hate it and am slowly weening her off of it. I actually kind of like it when mine is a Tuesday or something so its kind of hidden.

Very funny because it is true.

Funny.

Yes I agree, birthdays come with too much pressure.  Also because the overstimulation is only for one day, it’s all of a sudden. Ideally an autistic friendly birthday for me would be spending time with my twin, opening presents then listening to autistic podcasts and responding to posts on this community. I really like to spend birthdays with family.

Birthdays should be whatever kind of day you want it to be. What would your ideal autistic friendly birthday be like?

Catlover said:

Like you though, I appreciate the nice sentiments, but only written or in text. Hearing it is too much.

I like to say ‘I appreciate the intention, but not the attention.’

Same! Can't stand it, don't understand why people have to make a fuss. NT's are the worst for expecting others to make a huge issue out of their birthday. I mean how self-congratulating can you get. Well done, you were born! A process you had no decision in and played no part in, but you need to be rewarded for every year!!!!! It's not like 100 billion people haven't done it before you

I always feel weird on my birthday day. I can't pinpoint it but I get the same feeling on new years eve. Altho im never usually in work on my biryhday, I never have understood the rule that you take a cake in for your birthday into work. If anything it should be the other way round. Having said that, I find it strange people have parties. What makes people think they're so special that everyone should celebrate their birthday? Maybe im looking at it wrongly and its celebrating another year that you're alive. I like to go for a nice meal with my partner as this is a nice excuse to go out, or see my friend who has a birthday very near mine. 

That sounds pleasant enough.

I’m learning what I can and can’t do for Christmas, so I think I also need a strategy for birthdays.

My ideal would be to find some nice cards on the coffee table to open in private. That’s it lol.

Ugh, yes I feel like I want to rip my head off or turn myself inside out (like some 80’s horror I remember watching once…) Too much input. Like you though, I appreciate the nice sentiments, but only written or in text. Hearing it is too much.

Exactly. It’s just another day. Glad someone else understands.

My approach for the last two years has been to run a marathon distance on my own in the morning and that renders me unable to do anything but sit around and eat for the rest of the day. I don't have my birthday on social media and I'm estranged from family so no one mentions it to me.

I understand what you mean. My birthday was yesterday and I really don’t like the attention it brings and the increase in social expectations. I do appreciate others nice intentions though.

Catlover said:

Society expected that you do certain things to celebrate. I don’t want to celebrate

Yes, I understand. Sometimes I think it would be easier if it was treated as just another day because that could be in your best interests. Do you feel the same?

Sometimes birthdays can just bring unnecessary stimuli when they should be about you.

Thank god, there is someone else who feels exactly the same about birthdays. I’m the same I like a card but a present isn’t important.( Colin the caterpillar cake compulsory). When I hit 50 people started to assume that I would like a party, I would rather stick pins in my eyes!  I don’t post my birthday on social media and don’t need messages. I had a conversation with my mother a few weeks ago on birthdays, she just couldn’t see my point of view and said that I was weird. Out of 365 days of the year, one of these days obviously will be the day you were born, what’s to celebrate? The other thing I really struggle with is buying a present for someone else. One very memorable birthday was when a surprise birthday was arranged at a restaurant, I managed a full meltdown in front of everyone, strange thing was my father was also going into one.