Late diagnosis.

Thank you for replying. I didn’t mean I acted throughout my life, it’s difficult to explain. I too tried to do the right thing and sometimes es that’s not always the best for us. 
Yes…I’ve been advised that writing is one of my strengths as opposed to speaking so I shall do that more often. 

i think that is part of our nature the bluntness i am constantly getting told by my work to just "try not to speak much until people get used to you" but i work in construction so it might be a different ball game everyone is abrupt on site haha I found a good way to think about things is how would i react if someone said what am saying to them but to me and if i don't like it i will just reword the post or comment it has helped a few times but also a lot can be misconstrued in text, you might not have meant something to be cutting but they took it that way regardless. keep it up and i wouldn't just stick to your local area or even country hobbies are usually globally appreciated 

I was also diagnosed late (37).  I don't think there is much support available for us, sadly.

It did take me a long time to process the diagnosis, even though it was something I'd been trying to get for some time and was not unexpected.  It did feel odd to look back on my life in the context of now knowing I was on the spectrum.  I don't think that makes my earlier life an act, though.  I was really trying to do the right thing, even if my brain was not always cooperating for reasons that I understand now.

If you can't find the words to speak about how you feel, have you tried writing them?  You don't have to show anyone.

Thank you. Yes I feel the same but I’m on that journey now so just need to hold on.

I’m in a couple of vanning groups on Facebook but have got myself into strife a couple of times by commenting what I thought was correct…..turns out I was a bit cutting. I got warnings. I was also even an admin but had to stop as I got constantly picked on by another admin. I had to do what was right for me and just stop. 

35yr diagnoses myself just over a month ago it is so confusing i keep thinking back to old scenarios i went through thinking how did i manage and then other scenarios that make absolute sense because of what i know now it explains so much and at the same time feels like such a struggle for no reason i feel its equivalent to playing a game on hard mode then switching it to easy after discovering you can in fact change the settings. what i think would be helpful is joining an online group of people that enjoy your hobbies ie campervans etc its worth a punt 

Hello!  I too, am late diagnosed, I was diagnosed in 2018 at the age of 43, and can confirm that it did feel both like a weight lifting, and also somehow hitting a four way junction at rush hour!   There is lots of information out there, but make sure its from a reputable source such as NAS, I myself go to a local support group (I was referred by my GP), and find that it is a safe place to be, and also to interact with my fellow Autists.   Your interest in campervans is similar to my interest in trucks, and i go through phases of obsessive research (hyperfixation) and periods of inertia.    You are not alone in this journey, thank you for sharing!

Hi, I’ve been with my wife for 35 years in total  and she never picked up on my condition. What I have done is cut down on work and start to be nicer to myself. 50 plus years of so many situations when things just went wrong and I didn’t know why, I always knew that I was different but just couldn’t work out what it was. I’ve put my wife and children through hell over the years with my meltdowns and shutdowns. It’s a long process to try and process all the things that I thought were my fault and memories are still surfacing. I did the same as you and was actually listening to someone on the radio who has been late diagnosed. It was like listening to my life. It’s that moment when you realise that you aren’t mad or bad, there actually is a reason why you have always been looking in from the outside. I find a big help now is not putting myself in situations that cause stress and planning a day better. This is Betsy, she makes me smile when I’m out in her and often cheers others up.

Hi Roy. You are so right…..it does feel like your world is upended. I was a nurse also and didn’t recognise myself as having ASD. It was only about 3 years ago we were watching something on television and my husband recognised me in one of the people and himself in the partner. It has taken since then (and through Covid) to get my diagnosis. I’m trying to find out coping strategies just now but sitting at peace and doing research is not a strong point.

oh I’d love to see pictures of your van, it’s one of my things…love campervans or motorhomes and extensively research them when I can keep focus. Ours is like a little bit if home so makes getting away easier on me. Luckily my husband loves it too. My icon is of an image that’s on the side of ours as I love Icelandic and Norse lore too. 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. I’m going through diagnosis at the moment at the age of 54 and having been married for 30 years. It’s very much as if my world has been stood on end. Trying to work out which parts of my life was actually me or my fake is hard. I think I mentioned to someone before that it’s like you are trying to navigate all of this with a non existent instruction manual. My wife is very supportive, but she is learning as I am. She is an nhs nurse with 15 years on the clock. She has told me that her autism training might have been 10 minutes on one morning out of 3 years training. It’s not surprising that there is still very little understanding in world. Love your user name, I have a 1966 Bedford CA camper. She is known as Betsy the Bedford!

Yes I think you’re right….I need to forgive myself but expecting others to do the same is another thing, even now when they now know my diagnosis. I do say inappropriate things at times and misunderstand so respond accordingly and so do they so why should I be surprised. It certainly explains behaviours and reactions all through my working career. Not sure how I would have coped being diagnosed while still working. I don’t think they’d have been to caring even though it was the caring profession. Hopefully others will come to terms with my diagnosis and realise what it means because at the moment I’m not so sure. 

Thanks for answering and I’m here too. I often feel very misunderstood and have difficulty conveying how I feel. Have always been better writing things down than speaking. I have no friends and am quite happy with that status. I have folks I talk to online about my way of life and interests and that does….mostly….

Thanks again Kate. I too, have always been happy in my own company that’s the problem. (Or not) You are right we are us, that’s it in a nutshell.

Well done for being proactive and posting about it! I think acknowledging that there has been a change in yourself can help move on from it. 

I've just received my diagnosis at 28 and have similar feelings about my past and what to do with myself now I know more about myself. 

One thing I have done is starting to let myself off for some things i.e not being very social, I won't ever be and have stopped beating myself up over it. Also looking at perhaps what things you could change to make yourself more comfortable - what things irk you that before you didn't know why. 

Obviously writing on a forum is a good way to vent and explore too

Hi . It sounds like we are in a similar head space since being diagnosed. I feel really confused and also feel like I don’t know if I’m supposed to carry on like before when I did not know. My partner is the only person I have a relationship with, I don’t have any friends. I’m here if you want to chat anytime :) 

I’m glad to hear that your husband is supportive (mine is too and it makes a world of difference). I think it’s reasonable for you to have the benefit of support from your son - having his own family doesn’t mean he can be there for you emotionally etc surely? In terms of the isolation - when the virus issue recedes somewhat I’m going to look into volunteering and things like that - as I think the the negative impact of isolation on my mental health is quite insidious in many ways, I’ve also always felt pretty happy in my own company - but I wonder if in some ways I was in denial because I was avoiding going out of my comfort zone. I’m not sure, but I think I need to get out and about more and connect with people more. My son also has similar issues. Re. the diagnosis : ultimately nothing has changed - you’re the same person you always were. I think most of us know we’re autistic a very very long time before we get a diagnosis. We are who we are - regardless of any label.

Thanks Kate. I don’t think I need any help although I always say that. My husband is supportive mostly, family which is basically my son, not so much but he has his own family so I don’t expect anything from him. I do feel since I gave up work I’m becoming much more isolated so that’s maybe something to try and work towards although I am happy without company but it’s sometimes needed, if you see what I mean. I suppose I’ll eventually get my around my diagnosis. 

Thank you for the offer of chats, it is appreciated. 

Hi - I’m part way through the assessment process for Autism - and I’m also in my fifties. It is late to get a diagnosis isn’t it?! Although there are many who are older when they get the diagnosis too. I realised really when my youngest son was diagnosed when he was 11. It became so obvious that I was also autistic - and also my eldest son and husband (my husband has more ‘mild’ autistic traits).

I relate to what you say - my only friends for the last few years have been my husband and children. I suppose it is unusual to many people, and I do worry about us being so isolated. I was very (physically) ill last year and it home to me then that we don’t have a support network really - we mainly just have each other. It made me realise how vulnerable we are - which was worrying. 
I don’t think there is much support for adults after diagnosis - I don’t think that’s a ‘thing’. It is more a matter of accessing regular mental health services if you’re struggling, and local support groups. But really (as far as I can tell) not much changes on getting a diagnosis (if you’re an adult). 
what help do you think you need? Is there a particular area of your life that you need support with? Is your partner very supportive? And (if you have children) are they supportive?

I’m here for you if you want to chat. I think a lot of autistic women get a late diagnosis. Sending best wishes and solidarity:)