Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I’m a 20 year old girl/woman I guess? I don’t feel much like an adult honestly.
I was diagnosed with autism (technically Aspergers) at age 19 after a long struggle which started in early 2020 when my mum realised that I could be autistic following a discussion with a friend.
Anyway, I’ve had a difficult time recently and I wanted to ask others specifically with autism for advice on this issue. Mainly, I’m worried that I’ll be left behind by people my age when it comes to life achievements. Let me elaborate.
I have a few good friends my age who are all off in university or working full time jobs or doing work placements and studying and it’s impressive! I’m so proud of them, meanwhile I had to take multiple years out to focus on my mental health, which really hadn’t helped much. I’ve only just started with a bit of counselling but the main struggle is that leaving the house is so exhausting. It’s over stimulating and tiring and I have to try so hard to fit in with others that when I get home I just want to be alone and sleep or relax, I struggle to go out multiple days in a row.
This past few days has been horrible, I’ve had to leave the house every single day for the past several days and won’t get to stay in until Monday. All of which were somewhat important. My sister, my family and my friends are all fine with this, they can do it no problem. But I literally broke down in tears tonight thinking about how tired I am of being outside and overstimulated, I’m nowhere near able to talk as eloquently as normal, I feel socially and emotionally spent, like a battery that’s totally died. I don’t know what to do. Is my whole life going to be like this? Will I ever be able to work full time?
i feel like I have 3 options. 1) Leave the house and function like everyone else wants me to at the cost of my mental health and stability. 2) Be selfish and ask everyone else to slow down a bit, for example ask to maybe wait a few days to see that movie so I can come too? Or 3) Stay lagging behind and go at my pace while all my friends and family move on around me.
It’s like I’m running a marathon alongside my friends except I’m chained to an anchor and I can’t keep up, but asking them to wait would be “selfish”, according to my friends and family I’ve talked to.
Im at a loss here. If anyone else has any advice or experience with feeling like they’re being left behind I’d very much appreciate it. Being able to ask other autistic adults for their advice is something I’ve never been able to do and I’d love to hear any suggestions.
Its best to know yourself and know your limits, and only push those limits if you are sure its right for you, and ready for it (or ready enough).
Don't compare yourself with anyone, humans are all different and when autistic you probably will find life/things more difficult or challenging than others you know. Accept that, be comfortable about who you are - and you can try working on things if you feel it is right. You can't be someone else, it will mess you up trying to that, so be yourself - and aim to be a better version of yourself if that will help you achieve what YOU want to.
Do what you can socially, but make sure you have time to recover - and let people know that's how it is for you.