Universal Credit

Hi the thing is I did make a claim for PIP I think it was back in November last year and was scheduled a telephone interview in December at some point. I was still employed at that time in my most recent job which ended/terminated in February this year. I didn't answer the call like an idiot. I asked for a mandatory reconsideration last month, March, but have yet to hear back on it as of today 28th April. I was told it could take weeks to hear back so maybe still time yet. 

I've been in denial I guess and in my own mind saw PIP as a sort of defeat and acknowledgment that I am in some way weak and disabled and embarrassing. The fact my mental health is all over the place, I'm a nervous wreck.. I have no friends or proper social skills.. I kind of pretend to myself I'm normal but clearly I'm not as much as I desperately want to be normal. But yeah I've probably shot myself in the foot with that one. Hopefully they'll at least give me another appointment. I'm not even sure how it would go to be honest. Physically I guess I'm OK. I can cook, I'm living ON MY OWN! But I'm terrible with budgeting and money if I'm being honest. I cannot in any real sense build relationships or make friends which is an issue at work. I can be very much targeting and seen as weird and it causes me to feel very on edge, self conscious and uneasy and can lead to anxiety attacks. A lot of time people in public might not see anything terribly bad. It's when I return home to an empty place. That's when things can get ugly shall we say. I have eating issues related to stress. Some use alcohol or even drugs. I use food to numb the pain. And just go a bit crazy. Like a sort of mental breakdown.

I’m so sorry Mat. I’m not surprised you are struggling. Be kind to yourself - you are doing your best. Do you have an autism diagnosis? 

I see. I think it’s really important for you to be sure that there is an actual diagnosis of autism. If there isn’t you can request your GP  to refer you for an assessment, though there’s a huge waiting list of course. It’s the same for therapy too (I’m on a waiting list myself for therapy for anxiety). Services are in a poor state of course - due to underfunding. There’s lots of great advice and support on here though I find - better than in most places - certainly better than most services provided by the Government! If you can try to do what you can to nurture yourself, and be kind to yourself. Try to get out of the house to somewhere you enjoy being - that is free. Maybe exercise? Walking? Cooking healthy, nurturing meals from scratch?  
I think you will soon make progress as you seem to have very good awareness of your situation and what your challenges are. You’re bound to sometimes feel overwhelmed - the debt situation alone would be stressful for anyone. But there are definitely solutions to that (as other people have suggested) so it’s only a matter of time until you can get that back under control and eventually completely resolved in time. When the stress of that has eased you’ll feel so much better and more equipped to get things back on track. You’ll get there eventually! Good luck! 

Yes that's what I'm told. Diagnosed at 14. Now 30.

Milder on the spectrum supposedly.

I've never seen this diagnoses stated in plain language on paper, mind you, but just got told by my Mum I think and if I recall, went with it since. I query her still occasionally.. "you think I really am autistic?" .. "yes you are".

I'm going to query NHS to request my medical history/records to see what exactly that shows. Hopefully it gives idea of what the diagnoses actually is. If I'm diagnosed with autism and specifically 'mild' autism then it should show that.

I think I need counseling to be honest. I know I need to work out my issues and myself. It's not pretty at the moment.

Yes that's what I'm told. Diagnosed at 14. Now 30.

Milder on the spectrum supposedly.

I've never seen this diagnoses stated in plain language on paper, mind you, but just got told by my Mum I think and if I recall, went with it since. I query her still occasionally.. "you think I really am autistic?" .. "yes you are".

I'm going to query NHS to request my medical history/records to see what exactly that shows. Hopefully it gives idea of what the diagnoses actually is. If I'm diagnosed with autism and specifically 'mild' autism then it should show that.

I think I need counseling to be honest. I know I need to work out my issues and myself. It's not pretty at the moment.

I see. I think it’s really important for you to be sure that there is an actual diagnosis of autism. If there isn’t you can request your GP  to refer you for an assessment, though there’s a huge waiting list of course. It’s the same for therapy too (I’m on a waiting list myself for therapy for anxiety). Services are in a poor state of course - due to underfunding. There’s lots of great advice and support on here though I find - better than in most places - certainly better than most services provided by the Government! If you can try to do what you can to nurture yourself, and be kind to yourself. Try to get out of the house to somewhere you enjoy being - that is free. Maybe exercise? Walking? Cooking healthy, nurturing meals from scratch?  
I think you will soon make progress as you seem to have very good awareness of your situation and what your challenges are. You’re bound to sometimes feel overwhelmed - the debt situation alone would be stressful for anyone. But there are definitely solutions to that (as other people have suggested) so it’s only a matter of time until you can get that back under control and eventually completely resolved in time. When the stress of that has eased you’ll feel so much better and more equipped to get things back on track. You’ll get there eventually! Good luck!