Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I’m Star. I have Autism and complex mental health challenges presumably due to my autism challenges, late diagnosis etc. See my introduction post for more information / explanation.
I am not really sure how to explain and I feel so uneasy and anxious about not saying everything I want to say or finishing, so I will give it my best shot and please ask questions below if I haven’t explained well or if you need more info. For the last two weeks, I have been out of control binge eating and it has just got worse to the point I eat all day until I am almost physically sick and in the most excruciating pain and sickness. I am struggling so much with life and I can’t cope with being alive. I think I might be burnt out and have been for a while as I fit all the symptoms and it appears to explain my behaviour. Binging I think is a negative coping strategy, makes me feel numb, adrenaline, drive, excitement, I’m impulsive with it, I know I am hurting myself and making myself suffer, it provides me comfort, I have also had a long battle with restrictive disordered eating problems due to autism, I struggle a lot with my Interoception, I’m so unhappy, I can’t leave the house or attend school due to burnout, I’m struggling so much with accepting and coping with being autistic, I am so lost, I don’t know my identity or my interests right now, it keeps me busy and not thinking about how much of a mess my life is, I have also restricted certain food groups so when I allow myself them I have literally no self control, I can’t do the simplest things I can’t do anything other than watch tv not even that sometimes as I’m so mentally unwell due to burnout, so I haven’t got any distractions. In addition, when I start something I can’t stop because of the way my brain is wired and I have obsessive compulsive traits. Has anyone else ever experienced this and does anyone know how else to cope with being alive and burnout or how to stop binging? I am not really sure how to get out of / recover from a burnout and I feel so alone in burnout. Or just to feel that I’m not alone as I can’t carry on like this and I am in such a crisis with so many aspects of my life right now due to a serious burnout.
Thank you for reading! Best wishes, Star x
Hi Star, I realise that this post of yours was submitted over 2 years ago, but it would be really interesting and helpful to know how you are coping to this present day. I have recently been late diagnosed with autism at the age of 28. I have a long history of eating disorders, first diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 12, and have since battled to varying degrees with various forms of eating disorders. My most recent struggle, as was yours 2 years ago, is dealing with binge eating when I reach burn out. If you have any advice on how you have helped alleviate the symptoms, guilt and shame associated with doing this, then I would be most appreciative of knowing. Thank you for your time. I hope you are doing well and being gentle on yourself. Take care, Alice x