Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I’m Star. I have Autism and complex mental health challenges presumably due to my autism challenges, late diagnosis etc. See my introduction post for more information / explanation.
I am not really sure how to explain and I feel so uneasy and anxious about not saying everything I want to say or finishing, so I will give it my best shot and please ask questions below if I haven’t explained well or if you need more info. For the last two weeks, I have been out of control binge eating and it has just got worse to the point I eat all day until I am almost physically sick and in the most excruciating pain and sickness. I am struggling so much with life and I can’t cope with being alive. I think I might be burnt out and have been for a while as I fit all the symptoms and it appears to explain my behaviour. Binging I think is a negative coping strategy, makes me feel numb, adrenaline, drive, excitement, I’m impulsive with it, I know I am hurting myself and making myself suffer, it provides me comfort, I have also had a long battle with restrictive disordered eating problems due to autism, I struggle a lot with my Interoception, I’m so unhappy, I can’t leave the house or attend school due to burnout, I’m struggling so much with accepting and coping with being autistic, I am so lost, I don’t know my identity or my interests right now, it keeps me busy and not thinking about how much of a mess my life is, I have also restricted certain food groups so when I allow myself them I have literally no self control, I can’t do the simplest things I can’t do anything other than watch tv not even that sometimes as I’m so mentally unwell due to burnout, so I haven’t got any distractions. In addition, when I start something I can’t stop because of the way my brain is wired and I have obsessive compulsive traits. Has anyone else ever experienced this and does anyone know how else to cope with being alive and burnout or how to stop binging? I am not really sure how to get out of / recover from a burnout and I feel so alone in burnout. Or just to feel that I’m not alone as I can’t carry on like this and I am in such a crisis with so many aspects of my life right now due to a serious burnout.
Thank you for reading! Best wishes, Star x
My main issue is lack of motivation to cook; see the message from my thread.
Definitely not on your own both of you. I have zero motivation, can't cook at all at the moment I just buy ready made meals. The problem is when I have no motivation to eat and then just go hungry. Sucks having no motivation.
totally understand this... for me anything that takes longer than 10-15 minutes to prepare is too long... and this is the improved version of me- I spent months living of crackers, toast, eggs and prawns essentially... it did not end well :( (essentially lost so much weight unintentionally that it became very dangerous) - but I have become quite good at making homemade meals very fast actually!!
The rice cooker is a big help too as it does not need to be looked after. Then I make lots of stirfrys. Potatoes can be 'boiled' in microwave in 3-4 min too (just poke some holes in them so they don't explode first though) and just put in bowl... Also pasta can be super quick. Or wraps/pita- can even get ready grilled chicken or prawns to put in it... And I love eggs as they are quick :)