Boundary blending with social cohesion

Susie,, I took Longman ideas, more to do with creating positional control, he seem to be analysising the herd environment and positioning himself relative to the conditions with his condition reducing the self conflict, basically making a path like the hunter in the environment.... What this posts have shown me there is always aspects within the environment which are better suited to your condition, so learn and follow them.

I wasn't recommending exposure therapy as such, even if I made the analogy. I was offering my way forward, and said my situation at the mild end may not be appropriate to others. What I was talking about was studying the environment that causes distress. This may not work for anyone else.

But rather than viewing it as exposure therapy, is there any way you could improve your day-to-day experience by examining it? You might want someone to sit with you in a situation, to provide support.

You say "if I accept that its gonna scare the pants off me it paradoxically doesn't" - so there's something to investigate. What situations aren't as bad as you expected? Why? Would that enable you to go out more - say - if you could have some confidence one situation might be less unpleasant.

Thats not the same as exposure therapy

I've tried and tried to go along with the "exposure therapy" as prescribed to those with phobias - it dont work for me, infact each bad experience reinforces the feeling to avoid the "difficult" stuff and I do not go down that route too much if I can help it anymore. But I know I bang on about it but... I find that acceptance is one very efficient way to get through most days - i.e. i realise that most days are going to have obstacles and most days have scary situations that can and have kept me stuck at home - if I give in to it all I'll never go out of my front door - if I accept that it's gonna scare the pants off of me it paradoxically doesn't. It's never easy, it's often horrible but we do not give in, tomorrow may be better and if it's not then the day after may be - eternal optimism helps! xxx

thanks longman

great examples... I will and see if I can filter out a path within these overload areas. Basically like finding your own path through the jungle.  YOU ARE MY PATH FINDER GUIDE.

Thanks again

Third offering - noisy cafe environments. Now I don't mind these so much. And indeed I found disco/club environments OK when I was of an age for trying to use them. Why easier? They are both crowded environments with complex movement and complex noise. So I have tried to analyse such situations by sitting and listening.

I think the clubland situations are just white noise. And you cannot really talk to anyone. So its a kind of security in having all sensitivity totally blasted out.

With noisy cafes I now spend time listening and analysing them. There are many conversations going on. They are often small so I'm near the entrance often (and I actually like pavement watching if I can sit in the window) but there is the issue of traffic noise from outside. The making of coffee etc and washing plates, dropping plates can be very noisy, and sudden loud noise isn't good for me either.

But I find that regular exposure is helping. Noisy cafes become familar noise. I can predict it is going to be hard going. But I can also account for most of the noise.

So I actually enjoy sitting in a cafe and analysing all the different noise sources that impact on me.

Don't know if these three examples explain sufficiently my ideas about exploring situations, what they consist of, and what they mean to me.

But I think by understanding difficult environments better, I can decide on a level of exposure I'm able to cope with, which means I'm not avoiding situations so much. But also I can work out better when a situation is becoming uncomfortable, and take evasive action when necessary, or give myself another five minutes before I know I'll react adversely, if I cannot exit immediately.

A further example is automated barriers at stations. I've always tried to avoid these, but the trouble is the revenue protection officials at stations don't readily recognise people's need to use the manual gate if a disability is not obvious. So I've been trying to desensitise myself by looking at what aspects cause me concern.

Apart from noise, converging movement is very uncomfortable, particularly movement in the periphery of my field of view. So people crossing over in front and behind cause me great discomfort and make it hard to walk in crowded places.

With the automated barriers, I feel worst when they are busy - people moving fast, coming in and out the barriers. If the barriers are quiet I find I'm OK using them. So I can to some extent reduce my apprehension about barriers by using them when they are quiet, and appealing to the ticket staffs' better nature when it is busy to let me through the manual gate.

Unfortunately it is taking a long time to get rail companies to meet DDA expectations.

I've been building up ideas about this for a while. I anticipate that hurtful experiences of environments tend to lead to avoidance, and the more avoidance you have the more sensitive you get to further exposure. Possibly its a bit like allergy.

So my approach has been to confront the uncomfortable situations, try to find out what's uncomfortable for me, and see if I can change my sensitivity by deliberate exposure to some of the uncomfortable components - a little at a time. Which is one treatment used for allergies.

I can use supermarkets, but in some I feel uncomfortable, especially queuing at the tills. There are seats along the walls of the exit side of the tills in the supermarket I most used, so I would sit down for a bit before leaving and listen in on what sounds there were.

I don't seem to filter sounds very well, so I think I get the lot full on, most of the time. So it has helped to sit quietly for a while and try to separate out the sources.

What I found was that the tills nearer the exit, while better for small shoppers like me (baskets only, fewer than ten items etc) were the worst for noise, while it was quieter at the farther tills, used by people with hugely loaded trolleys. Strangely after this I found it more comfortable to wait longer behind people with large purchases than queue in the faster service tills, even though potentially a long queue situation might be more stressful. Why?

The tills near the exit were exposed to traffic and pavement noise from outside. They were also next to the refrigeration units, which I realise hum a lot, building up the noise level. Also the ringing of tills is more frequent there, and there are more people moving around. So the faster service tills were noise-wise the worst to use.

The farther away from the exit tills took longer, but had fewer people, weren't near the fridges, or the exit. So it proved wiser to use them.

quote " I try to sit down somewhere, or failing that option just to stand somewhere within the uncomfortable environment and explore what it consists of and what it means to me.

That way I can familiarise with it, get more control over it, and decide how much will be upsetting and when I need to take evasive action, and when it is tolerable.

That is my way of softening boundaries. Hopefully it might help others"

Longman, thank you for this comment, it is eye opening and may help me. Can you expand on "explore what it consists of and what it means to me". Thank you

I think that everybody is doing and acting too fast nowadays. There isn't room to be eccentric or even slightly adrift of expectations.

Already mobile phone abbreviations are affecting speech. So it gets harder and harder to recognise what people are trying to convey - less linguistics more inference, attitude and gesture.

We are also in a world with too much competitive sound - traffic, shop music and externally audible ipods, ring tones, audio feedback hums and static. So yes the encounters with external boundaries will get more hurtful.

I've mentioned on other threads I have my own way of adapting (but my AS is probably not typical so its not necessarily everyone's solution). I try to sit down somewhere, or failing that option just to stand somewhere within the uncomfortable environment and explore what it consists of and what it means to me.

That way I can familiarise with it, get more control over it, and decide how much will be upsetting and when I need to take evasive action, and when it is tolerable.

That is my way of softening boundaries. Hopefully it might help others.