Hello, I’m new here, dating advice please

Online on a dating website.  He stood out because the other guys ask to see more and more pictures, and try to be impressive in long chats.  He just said ‘want to meet Saturday’ and we did.  He didn’t even know what I looked like as I had an avatar for my profile!   I found it refreshing after dealing with idiots for 6 months getting nowhere 

how did you meet him? i am just curious

LOL !!  :) 

Enjoy your best time. LOL!

That makes complete sense, this site is brilliant!  Thank you have a good afternoon 

Hi no problem, it does sound like you need somebody autistic to balance you out. I would add that what you might think is a resonable change of plans might not be to him. For instance my wife says on your way home can you pick up some milk, that throws me and I have to have 10 min to process it and how it affects my day as it wasn't planned. Something very small can be big to somebody autistic. Good luck

Thanks for sharing about yourself, it is interesting because bipolar disorder means I have to work on being so impulsive, unpredictable and disorganised (though I’m very creative).  I often feel like I need someone to simply slow me down and bring some order into my life.  We will see how it goes and I will try to enjoy the challenge of playing it cool!!  Lol

Hi Rosie, I really hope things work out for you? Just like 'normal' people we are all diffrent. Bad timekeeping drives me mad too. Autistic people and deffinetly me like to have a idea in their head what they are doing that day, we can be super organised, I am early for everything, been late for something a handful of times in my life ever. I would say try and be understanding and listern to him but also be aware we sometimes have difficulty articulating what we think. Just play it cool, don't push him for answers, and don't push him into big social situations. Accept that some days it will really not make any sense and you will get frustrated. I value honesty, and am always honest with my wife even if she may not want to hear what I have to say. Good luck.

Thank you, in truth I am not really concerned about this... I should just relax probably.  

I need more self confidence I guess.  He is so wonderful and amazing it makes me a bit insecure, I think I was just looking for reassurance and didn’t know who to ask..  This probably has very little to do with autism and more to do with early relationship jitters.  Apologies!  

But I do want to be informed and really appreciate the comments here. 

Thanks Rosie. You sound like a very caring person, so I'd imagine you'll have an enjoyable time together. Best wishes.

On the positive side, autistics tend towards being, kind, loyal and dependable. On the negative side, we can be rather inflexible and prone to anxiety. As advice, I would say that you should avoid forcing him into social situations that he would find uncomfortable or unbearable. Do not hold anything he might say or do during a meltdown against him; in a meltdown the autistic person has temporarily lost control of his or her behaviour and is so overwhelmed that no other response is possible.

Thank you so much, this is more great advice.  I am reading what you said several times.  It is really helpful 

Thank you, I think this is brilliant advice.  I don’t want to generalise or make assumptions about him based on autism.  I hate when people do that to me.  Thank you for spotting that.  Also he has not told me about it yet.  I think I will wait for him to bring it up before I ask him more about it.  

I guess I am a bit insecure hoping that he likes me as much as I like him, and I am so very annoyed that I stressed him at the start, without realising.  I have bipolar and was hospitalised over Christmas so I was very unstable then and did not make a good first impression!  The fact that we have another date planned this week is very reassuring.  

I am the same in any new relationship - I don’t want to mess it up.  I just feel a bit more that way than usual because he is amazing and I know so little about autism.  But then he doesn’t need to talk to me about bipolar disorder to get to know me..  If he did that I would feel a bit uncomfortable.   Thanks again, this is so helpful 

I'm a newbie here. I even don't have better experience in dating. But I will keep my eyes in this thread for more details about dating. 

Everybody with autism is different and since I do not know your boyfriend personally I can't tell you what he would need nor want. I think you are looking at him as an autistic person not a person with autism. I mean that you are trying to fit around the autism rather than alongside it. Treat as you would a neurotypical person I'd say is the best advice. Of course you may need to make extra allowances at times....

When I was in a relationship I had big problems with people being on time and such as you've stated. I find that if you are honest and tell the truth and give as much notice as possible that is the best way to handle that. I don't think I hold grudges any longer than neurotypical people do, in fact I am very forgiving if a person says sorry in the correct way. So I would not worry. Ask him what he needs, nobody else aside from him knows. Maybe he won't tell you unless you ask.

To conclude, treat him as you would anybody else. Be honest and ask him what support he needs from you, if any, directly. 

No

It's hard to answer this post because the information is generalized. I would suspect that autistic people are no more likely to harbour resentments than anyone else, and perhaps less likely. Perhaps think of him as less of an 'autistic person', and just a 'person', It sounds like things are going great, so just ask him.