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Hello, I’m new here, dating advice please

Rosie

Hello,

i met a man recently who has autism and we are dating, but I have never known anyone on the autistic spectrum before.  He makes me so happy I can’t stop smiling because he is an amazing man, so I’m upset that I confused him early on, and still do sometimes.  It is early days but we are passionate together so he feels very special to me and I don’t want to cause him more confusion or upset him.  It would be awful if he stopped seeing me.  

I’m researching autism and am annoyed that I was so late for our first ever date..  I want to treat him better and I sometimes think that he deserves someone who wouldn’t have treated him badly at the start.  I hope he has forgiven me.   Does anyone know whether he might hold onto resentment about the unpredictable way I was with him?  I messed him around about meeting up, several times, as I was going through a hard time myself.  I didn’t realise then that he had autism,

He has some anxiety with food and body image which I don’t understand but it isn’t a problem.  I wonder how I can best navigate mealtimes so he feel comfortable.

I want to respect him and be sensitive to him, but I also don’t want to be too gentle as we are having fun together and I don’t want to feel like his mum or something..  He is older than me!  He gave me the best Valentine’s Day of my whole life and I really want to show him how much I appreciate him.  Can anyone suggest ways I can show him how much I like him??  I know everyone is different but you may have some tips to help me be a good girlfriend!

Any tips are appreciated, this is completely new to me.  I just want him to feel good, he makes me feel amazing,  Thank you for your time.

Rosie

Parents

  • Hi Rosie, I really hope things work out for you? Just like 'normal' people we are all diffrent. Bad timekeeping drives me mad too. Autistic people and deffinetly me like to have a idea in their head what they are doing that day, we can be super organised, I am early for everything, been late for something a handful of times in my life ever. I would say try and be understanding and listern to him but also be aware we sometimes have difficulty articulating what we think. Just play it cool, don't push him for answers, and don't push him into big social situations. Accept that some days it will really not make any sense and you will get frustrated. I value honesty, and am always honest with my wife even if she may not want to hear what I have to say. Good luck.

  • in reply to NAS65321

    Thanks for sharing about yourself, it is interesting because bipolar disorder means I have to work on being so impulsive, unpredictable and disorganised (though I’m very creative).  I often feel like I need someone to simply slow me down and bring some order into my life.  We will see how it goes and I will try to enjoy the challenge of playing it cool!!  Lol

  • in reply to Rosie

    Hi no problem, it does sound like you need somebody autistic to balance you out. I would add that what you might think is a resonable change of plans might not be to him. For instance my wife says on your way home can you pick up some milk, that throws me and I have to have 10 min to process it and how it affects my day as it wasn't planned. Something very small can be big to somebody autistic. Good luck

  • in reply to Chris

    Online on a dating website.  He stood out because the other guys ask to see more and more pictures, and try to be impressive in long chats.  He just said ‘want to meet Saturday’ and we did.  He didn’t even know what I looked like as I had an avatar for my profile!   I found it refreshing after dealing with idiots for 6 months getting nowhere 

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  • in reply to Chris

    Online on a dating website.  He stood out because the other guys ask to see more and more pictures, and try to be impressive in long chats.  He just said ‘want to meet Saturday’ and we did.  He didn’t even know what I looked like as I had an avatar for my profile!   I found it refreshing after dealing with idiots for 6 months getting nowhere 

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