Hello, I’m new here, dating advice please

Hello,

i met a man recently who has autism and we are dating, but I have never known anyone on the autistic spectrum before.  He makes me so happy I can’t stop smiling because he is an amazing man, so I’m upset that I confused him early on, and still do sometimes.  It is early days but we are passionate together so he feels very special to me and I don’t want to cause him more confusion or upset him.  It would be awful if he stopped seeing me.  

I’m researching autism and am annoyed that I was so late for our first ever date..  I want to treat him better and I sometimes think that he deserves someone who wouldn’t have treated him badly at the start.  I hope he has forgiven me.   Does anyone know whether he might hold onto resentment about the unpredictable way I was with him?  I messed him around about meeting up, several times, as I was going through a hard time myself.  I didn’t realise then that he had autism,

He has some anxiety with food and body image which I don’t understand but it isn’t a problem.  I wonder how I can best navigate mealtimes so he feel comfortable.

I want to respect him and be sensitive to him, but I also don’t want to be too gentle as we are having fun together and I don’t want to feel like his mum or something..  He is older than me!  He gave me the best Valentine’s Day of my whole life and I really want to show him how much I appreciate him.  Can anyone suggest ways I can show him how much I like him??  I know everyone is different but you may have some tips to help me be a good girlfriend!

Any tips are appreciated, this is completely new to me.  I just want him to feel good, he makes me feel amazing,  Thank you for your time.

Rosie

Parents
  • On the positive side, autistics tend towards being, kind, loyal and dependable. On the negative side, we can be rather inflexible and prone to anxiety. As advice, I would say that you should avoid forcing him into social situations that he would find uncomfortable or unbearable. Do not hold anything he might say or do during a meltdown against him; in a meltdown the autistic person has temporarily lost control of his or her behaviour and is so overwhelmed that no other response is possible.

  • Thank you, in truth I am not really concerned about this... I should just relax probably.  

    I need more self confidence I guess.  He is so wonderful and amazing it makes me a bit insecure, I think I was just looking for reassurance and didn’t know who to ask..  This probably has very little to do with autism and more to do with early relationship jitters.  Apologies!  

    But I do want to be informed and really appreciate the comments here. 

Reply
  • Thank you, in truth I am not really concerned about this... I should just relax probably.  

    I need more self confidence I guess.  He is so wonderful and amazing it makes me a bit insecure, I think I was just looking for reassurance and didn’t know who to ask..  This probably has very little to do with autism and more to do with early relationship jitters.  Apologies!  

    But I do want to be informed and really appreciate the comments here. 

Children
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