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Hello, I’m new here, dating advice please

Rosie

Hello,

i met a man recently who has autism and we are dating, but I have never known anyone on the autistic spectrum before.  He makes me so happy I can’t stop smiling because he is an amazing man, so I’m upset that I confused him early on, and still do sometimes.  It is early days but we are passionate together so he feels very special to me and I don’t want to cause him more confusion or upset him.  It would be awful if he stopped seeing me.  

I’m researching autism and am annoyed that I was so late for our first ever date..  I want to treat him better and I sometimes think that he deserves someone who wouldn’t have treated him badly at the start.  I hope he has forgiven me.   Does anyone know whether he might hold onto resentment about the unpredictable way I was with him?  I messed him around about meeting up, several times, as I was going through a hard time myself.  I didn’t realise then that he had autism,

He has some anxiety with food and body image which I don’t understand but it isn’t a problem.  I wonder how I can best navigate mealtimes so he feel comfortable.

I want to respect him and be sensitive to him, but I also don’t want to be too gentle as we are having fun together and I don’t want to feel like his mum or something..  He is older than me!  He gave me the best Valentine’s Day of my whole life and I really want to show him how much I appreciate him.  Can anyone suggest ways I can show him how much I like him??  I know everyone is different but you may have some tips to help me be a good girlfriend!

Any tips are appreciated, this is completely new to me.  I just want him to feel good, he makes me feel amazing,  Thank you for your time.

Rosie

Parents

  • It's hard to answer this post because the information is generalized. I would suspect that autistic people are no more likely to harbour resentments than anyone else, and perhaps less likely. Perhaps think of him as less of an 'autistic person', and just a 'person', It sounds like things are going great, so just ask him.

  • in reply to DiffidAnt

    Thank you, I think this is brilliant advice.  I don’t want to generalise or make assumptions about him based on autism.  I hate when people do that to me.  Thank you for spotting that.  Also he has not told me about it yet.  I think I will wait for him to bring it up before I ask him more about it.  

    I guess I am a bit insecure hoping that he likes me as much as I like him, and I am so very annoyed that I stressed him at the start, without realising.  I have bipolar and was hospitalised over Christmas so I was very unstable then and did not make a good first impression!  The fact that we have another date planned this week is very reassuring.  

    I am the same in any new relationship - I don’t want to mess it up.  I just feel a bit more that way than usual because he is amazing and I know so little about autism.  But then he doesn’t need to talk to me about bipolar disorder to get to know me..  If he did that I would feel a bit uncomfortable.   Thanks again, this is so helpful 

  • in reply to Rosie

    Thanks Rosie. You sound like a very caring person, so I'd imagine you'll have an enjoyable time together. Best wishes.

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