Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I really feel like I’m at breaking point, my son who’s 8 and autistic is driving me to the point where I don’t want to be at home anymore, I’m at my wits end with it all, his behaviour when he’s on his own is great but as soon as one of his siblings enters the room where he is all hell breaks out, they don’t even do anything and he starts saying mum tell them they are annoying me, then they react as they aren’t and then it just ends up in a major argument/meltdown and my son will pick things up and threaten to throw them, I know this doesn’t sound like much but when it’s happening every single day it’s horrendous, he then gets angry with me because I’m not telling them off and it’s just a vicious circle, day in day out, even my other kids are starting to say to him if you didn’t live here there would be no trouble, which I feel bad about as he obviously can’t help his behaviour but I don’t know what I can do, no matter what I try to help the situation nothing works, I feel like a bad mum as in the end I’m shouting at the other kids because instead of just walking away they stay and keep saying things to him which makes things worse, I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall all the time, has anyone dealt with similar, It feels like my house is a war zone and we can never do anything as a family because it’s so stressful and my sons so unpredictable.
Not sure how helpful this is but I think I can relate a little to your son's perspective. I have a lot of sensory issues, particularly sounds and sometimes I have real issues just with the day-to-day things that go on in the house. Once my sensory issues have started I become hyper sensitive to everything, even the kinds of things that I can usually tune out more effectively. What I find particularly hard to deal with is the fact that I am at home and there is almost an assumption that this should be a place of comfort. It's also at home that I'm doing things for me, that I enjoy and therefore any interruptions are more unwelcome than say, if I was at work. I'm more aware now of my triggers, and can feel when it's starting to rise up, so I either go to another room and put headphones on, or go for a walk until it passes.
Maybe something earlier has already happened a while ago that has put him on 'high alert' hence not seeing anything obvious that would trigger his irritation. As others have said it sounds like he is in need of his own safe space where he can get away from things when they get too much. I definitely think it's worth trying to help him to understand what his triggers are. My son has just started using mood cards at school and we are going to use these at home to try to identify any issues before they peak and try to diffuse