Told off at work

I am a teacher and there have been lots of changes at my school lately and I have a few meltdowns in the last few weeks. 

This morning I was upset and asked to speak to the acting head abd she was horrible. Told me I need to pull myself together and snap out of it. When I walk through the door I need to be in work mode. I need to pull myself together. She said either I am fit to work or not and I should go to my GP if I keep having these "episodes".

I felt completely belittled and like a child who had been told off. 

  • Don’t worry about being told and I’m here to take to you 

  • I have been a governor in a few schools and some heads do relish the power and think that the staff and children can be spoken to however they want.  As others have said you have rights although I do know it can be hard to stick up for yourself and I would do pretty much anything to avoid conflict.

    Just one point about stability of employment, it is quite hard to get rid of a teacher, you have to go through lots of rounds of performance reviews etc.

  • I feel your pain. I was a secondary school teacher for 15 years ago and I left 2 years ago.  I am actually really good at the teaching and I love it, I just couldn't cope with the rest and covid pressure were soooo hard.  I have found schools are not supportive of staff with any sort of mental health issues and in one school I was told the same as you.

    I have worked in 4 schools and all were the same.  I wish that I could say something to reassure you but I can't.  I couldn't do it anymore. I don't enjoy working in an office but now that I have office experience I have found a more challenging, senior role that will be a lot better. I don't like the job anywhere near as much, but I am going to be able to do it until I am 67 and retire, unlike teaching.  And I am not completely exhausted by 4pm and am actually  having a bit of a personal life! 

    I am not suggesting that you leave as it was VERY hard to get a job and adjust to office work.  I am just letting you know of my experience... And it does require financial planning in advance! 

    Perhaps some time off may be wise, then you can think about what you do need and give the COVID situation a chance to calm down.  But to properly decompress you will need more than 2 weeks. In my exprience you will spend most of 2 weeks feeling guilty  and only then can you switch off and relax and  recover.  I strongly suggest contacting the union representative either way.

    Xx

  • I am a teacher and there have been lots of changes at my school lately and I have a few meltdowns in the last few weeks. 

    Hi M,

    Do you have a diagnosis of Autism or a mental health challenge?  

    My initial response when I read your post was extreme anger because I have lost count of the times similar things have happened to me in work situations.  I don't work because of my own personal struggles with only being able to take so much of this type of attitude from people in the work place before I get too ill.  I'm also a single parent to an Autistic little lady.  It sounds like your boss is more focussed on the logistics of the job than the human aspect of it.  Her behaviour shows me that she is perhaps not coping well with her job because part of her role is to support and put in place allowances for staff which she is evidently not doing.

    The issue I find is that if you call people out on their behaviour, depending on who the person is, they can make your life even more difficult and from reading what you have written, it sounds like your boss may be one of those types of people.  I have experienced a lot of these scenarios in work so it's very hard to deal with and I understand how upsetting it will be for you to deal with.  My experiences have always cost me my job because either the person I've called out has become more nasty and found a reason to fire me or because the atmosphere of the work environment is too toxic and so I get ill and have to give up work.

    Is there a manager above her who you can speak to when you are calmer and who you get on with better?  If you were to report her behaviour, would she be able to make your work life more difficult or is she someone who you see little of?  Could you bring someone with you each time you meet with her or tell her you are going to record each meeting to help you remember what was said etc.  This could help you gain perspective when you listen after the actual event to see if the emotion you felt at the time makes things feel worse or if she actually is being a bully.  Does she conduct herself this way with other members of staff too?  It could well be that she's just not great at dealing with people?  She could well be on the spectrum herself and gets triggered by emotional displays because she doesn't know how to deal with it?

    They are many reasons for the situation but the bottom line is, are you able to get the support you need at work and do you feel that reporting her would help or hinder your working environment.

    Sending you best wishes, I really hope there is a good outcome from your situation. 

  • It's easy to say that to other people but I'm sure when she's upset about something she doesn't just "pull" herself together.

    Pay no attention to her. She's obviously enjoying being in a position of power. People like that are all the same.

  • She sounds like a control-freak. My Aunt-in-law was a Senior Nurse, and she power-tripped me; so often. 

  • I would agree with that to the extent of yes, don't hand in your notice first thing tomorrow or anything like that! But I do think you need someone who knows what they're talking about (and presumably has some clout - I know our SENCOs have always been SLT) to facilitate a discussion. Not only is it a worrying way to treat staff, but that level of ignorance regarding autism is not something I would want to see from anyone working in a school. 

  • She's not been in the job long then, has she? You don't get to tell Ofsted what to look at, Ofsted look at whatever the heck they want! My hot take on her is that she sounds very insecure - "acting head" says a lot - and very worried about Ofsted, and is taking this out on staff, not that it justifies her behaviour in any way.

    Are you in one of the unions? If not, I would strongly recommend joining one, and if you are, is your union rep someone who would be helpful? 

  • I spoke to the senco and she said to give it 24 hours for my feelings to die down before  I decide what to do.

  • Hello ,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you had this experience at work. You may like to have a look at our advice around employment, where you will find guidance on how to seek support in the workplace: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/support-at-work

    I hope this helps,

    ChloeMod

  • She even said that she when Ofsted come, she wouldn't ask for them to look at my subject because she thought I would break down in front of the inspector

  • As an autistic teacher, that behaviour by the acting head is utterly inexcusable. Whether you choose to perceive it that way or not, autism counts as a disability and you have a right to have reasonable adjustments made. 

    Have you tried discussing with your SENCO? They will be familiar with autism and can sometimes be useful in mediating with a difficult member of SLT.

  • Exactly.  The Acting Head is on very thin ice I'd have thought.  "Autistic Teacher Belittled And Patronised" as a local paper headline after a Tribunal wouldn't be career enhancing for them.  

  • I’m always being told off,. I get spoken to like a child or patronised. But I’m also looked after, for example my boss wrote a letter for asd assessment

  • If you are clinically diagnosed with ASD, the words of your headteacher amount to disability discrimination. Send her a transcript of what you remember her saying and ask her to sign a declaration that your recollections are accurate. If nothing else, it should rattle her and start her thinking that you are considering taking her to a tribunal over her discrimination. As a line manager and effectively acting as an employer she is legally obliged to offer you reasonable accommodations so that you can discharge your duties without being adversely affected by your disability. Asking an autistic person to "snap out of it" and to "pull yourself together" is not acceptable.

  • i half suspect i will be fired any day now with the way im going on haha i dont care though as its low skilled warehousing manual handling stuff and everywhere offers these jobs, plus i never really cared much for my future anyway, spent years doing nothing but make different plans on how to make being homeless and broke comfortable, my idea before getting a job was to buy a cheap yacht to live on, which i had enough saved up for.

  • I wish that I felt that I had that level of job security

  • tell her off back. thats what i did to my boss lol i wrote him a letter saying that he should treat his employees like human beings and ask politely for overtime and not be so rude to people and demanding then requested to withdraw my 48 hour opt out and told him if he doesnt respect peoples health wellbeing and rights then he will respect the law.

    dont take any crud from your bosses, they are not above you, they are the same as you and me, just another human, nothing more nothing less. they need to be brought down at times to give them that reality check.

  • It is inexcusable for them to do this and I am sure very common. 

    Company's (schools included) would like to be seen to be supportive but where the rubber meets the road is where these etherical ideas fail, as it means that the empty polices they love to show off in the prospectus have to be enacted with actual care and attention and compassion.