Published on 12, July, 2020
My family are cross with me as they say that since I was diagnosed I am using my autism as an excuse not to change my behaviour and that am doing things now that I wouldn't have done before and "blaming" it in on my autism.
I don't know how to deal with this information. Do I need to pretend that I am not autistic and go back to masking and hiding who I really am? Do I need to act as if I never got a diagnosis and not mention my autism ever again?
My husband says that he feels like he is the only one expected to change in our relationship because now I am autistic it means that I have an excuse not to have to make any changes.
I really don't know what I am supposed to do this information or what I should do about it!
Has anyone else had this happen to them? Any advice on what I should do?
I feel like no-one is willing to accept me as I am and everyone is fed up with me being autsistic!
I feel sorr if the same. Since diagnosis in 2022 I have been through denial, acceptance, further self-work, and the beginnings of unmasking things I struggle with and have been hiding. But my partner, as incredible as she is, doubts it all in some ways as all that has changed is someone she doesn't know has decided I am declared 'autistic'.
But what I have to remember is, it's hard for us to accept change, but they (our relatives) are no different. Just because she doesn't meltdown in certain situations doesn't mean acceptance and change are any easier. So it's a long process I think.
For example, at Christmas recently I was stressed by the social interactions presented by staying with her family for 5 days. But I went, faced it, melted down after 2 days, my IBD flared up and I was really ill for the next 3 days. So ultimately, she saw the effort I made and the effect it had. It wasn't easy to go through, but each time I try and fail she gets a better understanding of my struggles and she accepts the reality of ASC a little more.
It's all a part of growing in harmony, a pattern I've noticed, for all families & couples, takes a life time if give and take
Yes JT, or more correctly, yes, yes yes JT !!
I like it when I see contributors on here remember that, whilst we ourselves have major "issues" with "coming out" (if you will) our nearest and dearest have to endure pretty much the same confusion and uncertainty as us. Your words and sentiment are bang on - based on my lived experience at the moment too.
Wishing you and yours a very happy New Year brother.
Kindest regards
Thanks Number, glad you agree.
I try to imagine their position; going through all of this, but without any direct internal experience. What a guessing game.
Amazing that she has stuck around. I know many people don't so my heart goes out to those people
Stay strong & true to yourself folks