How and where did you meet your partner?

1. What do you love and admire about your partner?: Calm, loving, tolerant, supportive, gorgeous. I could go on.
2. Where did you meet?: North East England, 1980s. She was up there because her ex-husband’s job had moved; I was there (supposedly) for 2 years, sent from London by my employer (at Group level) to ‘tick off’ a particular role on my CV before promotion. But I hated the job, and the subsidiary company they sent me to, so much I sat at on a pier the mouth of the Tyne after about two days and wondered how I'd survive if I just quit, got in the car, and drove back to London, right then (didn't know I was autistic, then, but it sounds like a potential meltdown in hindsight). I was very young, had never been to Tyneside, Geordies didn't even seem to speak English, I was a senior manager with a brief to change the (outdated) way they did things (my boss was suspicious of the 'Group spy' before I even arrived).  I'd had no training in 'change management' and there was entrenched resistance from the off.  It was a vile, horrible experience. People don't like change, and people in areas where there's strong regional identity/pride particularly don't like being told to change by 'precocious kids from London who've been in the job 3 minutes when I've been doing it for 30 years' as one aggressive guy told me.  Quitting with no job was risky and I'd rented out my flat in London, so on balance I decided to stick it out, but it was a close-run thing.  Good job I did, because a few days later I rented a room from the woman who's been my life partner since. Hated the job for a further two years; absolutely hated, hated, hated it but she was in the same position which made us allies immediately. Discovered that if you hate a job you do it badly, even if you're actually good at the core functions. Then, after telling me I'd be back in the South East after 2 years, they tried to move me to Bradford, to do the same thing again; so they 'lost' me at that point and in my head I left the Group and effectively went maybe 30% AWOL from the job, mentally (just stopped caring). I felt betrayed. We spent every Friday night driving down the A1 to London (the tenants left the flat and I didn't let it again so we had a London base); and every Sunday night driving back. Anything to get away.  'Getting back to London, but doing it 'well'' became our life plan, which we finally achieved (we didn't get a corporate move, so it was cripplingly expensive, but I got a bigger job at much more money, so within a year it was all fine). We privately regarded this whole thing as our 'escape from Colditz' story and it sort of became a bonding thing early in our relationship. HUGE relief when we finally achieved it & our lives, lifestyles, wellbeing, happiness & everything else improved overnight.   The "escape" is part of the 'story' of our coupling.  Our views on the North East were doubtless heavily influenced by what happened at work (she wasn't happy, either); we actually formed strong connections there, visit regularly and like it, actually really like it, but back then we were human beings in a hostile alien land and couldn't wait to shut the door on 'the crazy' every night and just be with each other. Even now, whilst it's nice to visit and see people, Bamburgh is stunning, North Shields is nice, Northumberland is lovely, blah, it's just culturally not us; it's always been a relief to get on the motorway or on the plane home, even when home wasn't the SE of England on occasions over the years. As we leave, we always look at each other and joke about 'escaping' again(!) Sorry if that's MITYW.
3. What attracted you to them?: Instant attraction on every level.  Every. Level.
4. Did they become your special interest?: Always and for ever.
5. How long have you been together?: 40 years. Married for 37. 
6. How is the communication between you?: Sometimes challenging but her forgiving nature usually gets us there.  Diagnosis helped because we both now understand it more. 

PersonAnon said:

Calm, loving, tolerant, supportive.

Thanks for sharing PA, It's cheered me up hearing all your ups and downs and the length of time you have been together and that you connected on "all" levels.  Everything you have written is what I dream of in a partner.  I think it's rare to have that kind of love and commitment but it is possible and therefore I remain hopeful. :-)

PersonAnon said:

Calm, loving, tolerant, supportive.

Thanks for sharing PA, It's cheered me up hearing all your ups and downs and the length of time you have been together and that you connected on "all" levels.  Everything you have written is what I dream of in a partner.  I think it's rare to have that kind of love and commitment but it is possible and therefore I remain hopeful. :-)

PersonAnon said:

'Play Misty For Me'.

Yes, the reality is that relationships take work and commitment from both partners.  Perhaps the beginning feels like rainbows and fairytales but ultimately it's when folks can work through their baggage together as a team, that's precious and special.

I understand what you mean about the Glen Close and Clint Eastwood depiction of an obsessive relationship and I love that film.  The first time I saw it, I knew there was trouble brewing when his character was naive enough to think he could have "a bit on the side" without emotional entanglement.  I didn't anticipate that what happened would be as dark though and I still find it a disturbing but strangely fascinating movie!

We all have our past and ongoing challenges but I feel that finding someone who is willing and able to go on that journey with us makes life so much more meaningful. :-)

No marriage is all violins and violets, but I'm very lucky, and very aware of that.

Not a cliche: I'm lucky and I know that.  Nothing is all perfection, but it's whether you can deal with difficulties together that counts.  

40 years on I still think she's beautiful, incredible and amazing, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

We've covered a lot of ground, together, geographically and in every other sense, and we're a pretty good team.

Yes, remain hopeful, H. It ain't easy.  My wife had a failed marriage, and I'd come out of a truly horrible relationship that was slightly reminiscent of the 70s Clint Eastwood movie 'Play Misty For Me'. She didn't try to murder me (in the movie, Jessica Walters' character tries to kill Eastwood's), but ... well, stuff happened.  Nowadays I'd be taking out restraining orders and the word 'stalking' would be used.  

So it took a while to get it right.