Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there I'm Cassidy and I'm need of some advice please.
I have Autism which I do struggle with on a daily basis, don't we all? I mostly struggle with noise, going out, talking and things breaking my usual routine. Somehow I managed to get in a relationship and it's going ok. I don't think I'm an amazing girlfriend but he seems to like me so I guess that's nice.
But recently he's started talking about us having a baby. And I'm not really sure what to do. He tells me I'd be a great mum but I don't think I would. I have meltdowns a lot. And I can't stand babies, nothing personal I just don't like the constant crying and being sick :/ But lately he's getting really pushy and when we have intercourse he takes off protection even though I tell him not to. I don't think I want to get pregnant. There's a lot of factors here working against me. I think I'd be a terrible mum and I've also got a brain tumour which I haven't told anyone about yet. That's something else I need help with. I'm going to die and I don't know how to tell my mum, dad and sisters and brother. It's getting bigger all the time and sometimes I faint. I told my boyfriend the fainting is related to my low vitamin intake.
Not sure what to do about both things.
What I learned from having a baby:
Make sure you have a wide and very supportive network to help you because you will need it. I had moved to a new area, I didn't have any friends, I have no siblings or cousins. I just had my husband and my very unreliable, angry mother. I ended up just home alone while pregnant, sick and frightened. Then I didn't know anyone when I had the baby and I just went round on my own all the time. I forced myself to go to mum and baby groups to meet people and so my baby made friends, but I just got bullied. It was a very lonely, horrible, frightening time.
Get yourself a wide and supportive network of friends and family before you even think of having a baby.
And your boyfriend should not be forcing you, he shouldn't take off protection without your consent. That is rape.
It's up to you if you want to put your body through pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding etc. It's not up to your boyfriend, his body and mind won't be going through those massive changes, he can carry on life as normal.
No, rape is non-consensual penetration and you do not need to demonstrate that by crying, screaming or even specifically saying no. You have made it clear that you don't want to have unprotected sex, he has done that regardless, and that is rape.
You may not feel that way about it and that is OK. You don't have to feel like a victim. But it is still not OK for him to do this to you.
Are you addressing me or Smiles?
Sorry, Smiles. Didn't actually see your post so not sure why it has done that.