Advice please - need response!

Teen years are difficult, even without autism involved.  Yes, autistic people can react more, feel more, get angry easily, get really angry, break things, and that's something your mum (and her friend) should take into account.  Let your mum know you don't want all the questions, she may not stop but just repeat you don't want them.  You can't control her, but you can control your response.  Soak up the mum stuff, it may stop when she becomes aware you are becoming an adult.

It sounds as though you are wasting your time with individuals who aren't worth investing it into. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to get into these exact type of discussions with my own mother and they would leave me with anxiety and she, being NT and a bit like a goldfish with them just thought they were sometimes a bit much but intriguing because they were "Novel". 

A Field Guide for Earthlings talks about how NT will just echo chamber each other and basically assess and judge each other. Their goal in conversation like that has nothing to do with connecting to one another but competing and seeing who comes out on top with the most likes. In fact, if a NT can get someone to 'lose it' it actually makes them feel superior. And then: They Literally Forget everything that was actually said. Like goldfish.

I can get swept up and lost in a moment but I try to remember the Goldfish analogy when it starts to get silly before it gets chaotic. 

There's an art to exiting a situation before it gets out of hand and not to steal a trophy but to genuinely draw a boundary, a limit. 

I find anyone who's Open to Reasoning With absolutely worth investing a good deal of time with. And have no desire to win at the expense of a connexion or my health... actually there's nothing in winning for me to be fair unless it's important for my career. These individuals don't care if they push you past a limit. Anyone who's willing to do this is inconsiderate of how you're affected, has no desire to connect or hear you. Time is short. I've literally said "Wow. No. I actually don't want to talk about this with you here at all. But, honestly - Have fun!" and leave. 

I think there are some humours nordic TV shows with excellent passive ways of being direct as well. 

Hahahaha. Sorry. That's Horrifying and so wrong and so funny. It's just the way you wrote it maybe. (still laughing)

Thank you all much for the advice - it's much appreciated.

I will take it all into consideration. Thanks.

your mums friend should know to stop....... i have a done a similar thing myself ( triggered a meltdown in a fellow autistic ) and now I stop to give the other person time to recover  and  so that they dont meltdown.

hopefully she now knows its affecting u more and will not argue as much........ some people love arguing 

count secretly on ur fingers the number of argument replies u have to use,,, and u stop at speaking at 5 say ,,,,, no matter what   ... eg      go to the loo  ... leave the room and check ur phone for stuff 

What is normal for someone else may not be for you. For you those things are normal because of your environment. If you remove yourself from the stressful environment/people, you may find your temper much easier to manage. If people cannot let you have space to manage your own mood, then they will have to deal with the consequences, just like you do. I hope for all your sakes that they will let you have space.

I often found as a teenager I would have red rages, sometimes to do with others not understanding, sometimes to do with me not understanding. (teenagers don't have the reasoning/rational thinking part of their brain properly engaged so most teenagers are raging balls of hormones/impulses)

Walking away until I had a chance to calm myself down was by far the best tactic I found. Give yourself time to adjust. Noise cancelling headphones/music and a space away from people to punch a pillow, or yell without being heard (under water) was also good for me :)

When you notice something annoying you, however small, try ''need the loo'' or ''I forgot some homework'' then going to the bathroom, or to your room. Usually people don't notice you haven't come back when the conversation resumes.

Remember to take time for yourself as well as other people.

On a side note it might be an idea, if you think your mum will listen, to tell your mum you don't get on with specific people so if they are coming over to be excused. It may help in the short term.

you should record it, I watched once a guy smashing his PC after he lost a battle in a game, it was shocking, 1M views in no time

FinlaysonA said:

Is it normal (bearing in mind I am autistic) for me to break things

I break things all the time. If something doesn't go my way I hit things including myself. I'm surprised I haven't smashed more. I've aggressively hit computer keyboards, my phone, about 20 gaming controllers

FinlaysonA said:

Is it normal (bearing in mind I am autistic) for me to break things and be one of the angriest people any of my family know?

This usually happens to me only when I don't have enough spoons/energy to cope with other people and their NT behaviours, and I have no way to escape - I am very much more into flight rather fight.

Why don't you just leave the room when you start feeling like this?

I *always* have an exit strategy planned for any social interaction (even with my wife!).

FinlaysonA said:

Is it normal to care too much about what people think of me?

I used to think I was overly sensitive about this... until I realised it's because in order to mask effectively I have to by hyper-aware of how other people think of me (and of course this does not come naturally to most autists!).

Can’t think of a good reason I’d be hanging around with my mum’s friends, almost universally do my head in. Usually avoid like the plague, in the most polite manner possible of course.  Some people will unintentionally (or intentionally) get on your nerves, it’s just the way of things.  Definitely not worth breaking things over, just remove yourself from those situations and/or people where necessary. 

meltdowns are normal and a part of autism. we are straightforward people.

I get annoyed by perceived ignorance as well, and don't really enjoy spelling out things that should be implied. (unless it's a topic I like talking about)

I hope you are doing okay