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Advice please - need response!

FinlaysonA

Hi, hope all of you are well. 
I am a teen and I am really struggling, I will detail it here.

So basically my Mum’s friend is a constant nuisance as she asks stupid questions that are very easy to answer and it essentially shows she knows nothing. She’s been doing it for a while now. I always try to help as best I can but I’m very direct as I get very annoyed. These arguments/heated conversation for an hours. Today we had an argument and another of my mums friends absolutely lost it. When she lost it I got the angriest I’ve got in a while resulting in me breaking things and smashing a cake into the ground. I didn’t know what to do. 

Is it normal (bearing in mind I am autistic) for me to break things and be one of the angriest people any of my family know?

Is it normal to care too much about what people think of me?

Is it normal for me to always react?

Is it normal for me to care too much about things in general?

Please let me know!

Parents

  • What is normal for someone else may not be for you. For you those things are normal because of your environment. If you remove yourself from the stressful environment/people, you may find your temper much easier to manage. If people cannot let you have space to manage your own mood, then they will have to deal with the consequences, just like you do. I hope for all your sakes that they will let you have space.

    I often found as a teenager I would have red rages, sometimes to do with others not understanding, sometimes to do with me not understanding. (teenagers don't have the reasoning/rational thinking part of their brain properly engaged so most teenagers are raging balls of hormones/impulses)

    Walking away until I had a chance to calm myself down was by far the best tactic I found. Give yourself time to adjust. Noise cancelling headphones/music and a space away from people to punch a pillow, or yell without being heard (under water) was also good for me :)

    When you notice something annoying you, however small, try ''need the loo'' or ''I forgot some homework'' then going to the bathroom, or to your room. Usually people don't notice you haven't come back when the conversation resumes.

    Remember to take time for yourself as well as other people.

    On a side note it might be an idea, if you think your mum will listen, to tell your mum you don't get on with specific people so if they are coming over to be excused. It may help in the short term.

Reply

  • What is normal for someone else may not be for you. For you those things are normal because of your environment. If you remove yourself from the stressful environment/people, you may find your temper much easier to manage. If people cannot let you have space to manage your own mood, then they will have to deal with the consequences, just like you do. I hope for all your sakes that they will let you have space.

    I often found as a teenager I would have red rages, sometimes to do with others not understanding, sometimes to do with me not understanding. (teenagers don't have the reasoning/rational thinking part of their brain properly engaged so most teenagers are raging balls of hormones/impulses)

    Walking away until I had a chance to calm myself down was by far the best tactic I found. Give yourself time to adjust. Noise cancelling headphones/music and a space away from people to punch a pillow, or yell without being heard (under water) was also good for me :)

    When you notice something annoying you, however small, try ''need the loo'' or ''I forgot some homework'' then going to the bathroom, or to your room. Usually people don't notice you haven't come back when the conversation resumes.

    Remember to take time for yourself as well as other people.

    On a side note it might be an idea, if you think your mum will listen, to tell your mum you don't get on with specific people so if they are coming over to be excused. It may help in the short term.

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