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Advice please - need response!

FinlaysonA

Hi, hope all of you are well. 
I am a teen and I am really struggling, I will detail it here.

So basically my Mum’s friend is a constant nuisance as she asks stupid questions that are very easy to answer and it essentially shows she knows nothing. She’s been doing it for a while now. I always try to help as best I can but I’m very direct as I get very annoyed. These arguments/heated conversation for an hours. Today we had an argument and another of my mums friends absolutely lost it. When she lost it I got the angriest I’ve got in a while resulting in me breaking things and smashing a cake into the ground. I didn’t know what to do. 

Is it normal (bearing in mind I am autistic) for me to break things and be one of the angriest people any of my family know?

Is it normal to care too much about what people think of me?

Is it normal for me to always react?

Is it normal for me to care too much about things in general?

Please let me know!

Parents

  • Thank you all much for the advice - it's much appreciated.

    I will take it all into consideration. Thanks.

  • in reply to FinlaysonA

    It sounds as though you are wasting your time with individuals who aren't worth investing it into. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to get into these exact type of discussions with my own mother and they would leave me with anxiety and she, being NT and a bit like a goldfish with them just thought they were sometimes a bit much but intriguing because they were "Novel". 

    A Field Guide for Earthlings talks about how NT will just echo chamber each other and basically assess and judge each other. Their goal in conversation like that has nothing to do with connecting to one another but competing and seeing who comes out on top with the most likes. In fact, if a NT can get someone to 'lose it' it actually makes them feel superior. And then: They Literally Forget everything that was actually said. Like goldfish.

    I can get swept up and lost in a moment but I try to remember the Goldfish analogy when it starts to get silly before it gets chaotic. 

    There's an art to exiting a situation before it gets out of hand and not to steal a trophy but to genuinely draw a boundary, a limit. 

    I find anyone who's Open to Reasoning With absolutely worth investing a good deal of time with. And have no desire to win at the expense of a connexion or my health... actually there's nothing in winning for me to be fair unless it's important for my career. These individuals don't care if they push you past a limit. Anyone who's willing to do this is inconsiderate of how you're affected, has no desire to connect or hear you. Time is short. I've literally said "Wow. No. I actually don't want to talk about this with you here at all. But, honestly - Have fun!" and leave. 

    I think there are some humours nordic TV shows with excellent passive ways of being direct as well. 

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  • in reply to FinlaysonA

    It sounds as though you are wasting your time with individuals who aren't worth investing it into. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I used to get into these exact type of discussions with my own mother and they would leave me with anxiety and she, being NT and a bit like a goldfish with them just thought they were sometimes a bit much but intriguing because they were "Novel". 

    A Field Guide for Earthlings talks about how NT will just echo chamber each other and basically assess and judge each other. Their goal in conversation like that has nothing to do with connecting to one another but competing and seeing who comes out on top with the most likes. In fact, if a NT can get someone to 'lose it' it actually makes them feel superior. And then: They Literally Forget everything that was actually said. Like goldfish.

    I can get swept up and lost in a moment but I try to remember the Goldfish analogy when it starts to get silly before it gets chaotic. 

    There's an art to exiting a situation before it gets out of hand and not to steal a trophy but to genuinely draw a boundary, a limit. 

    I find anyone who's Open to Reasoning With absolutely worth investing a good deal of time with. And have no desire to win at the expense of a connexion or my health... actually there's nothing in winning for me to be fair unless it's important for my career. These individuals don't care if they push you past a limit. Anyone who's willing to do this is inconsiderate of how you're affected, has no desire to connect or hear you. Time is short. I've literally said "Wow. No. I actually don't want to talk about this with you here at all. But, honestly - Have fun!" and leave. 

    I think there are some humours nordic TV shows with excellent passive ways of being direct as well. 

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