Published on 12, July, 2020
He asked if I was annoyed at him this morning and I said no, explained it was an external situation that was annoying me. He repeated the questioning so many times to the point I asked him frustratedly to trust that I was telling him the truth. He said he should just go kill himself and slammed a door. When told this wasn’t okay he brought it back to autism.
The other day I went out with my friends for Halloween to a club event. I told him before that I didn’t really want to go and would probably be back early. I understand I was at fault because he took this literally. He blew up my phone on every social media asking why I wasn’t replying and he accused me of not being where I said I was. When I proved I was he said he never said it. He’s often saying he never said things that he did.
We all went home after that. When I got home he said that I was a hypocrite because I kicked him out when he went out with his friends and came back late - which is a lie. He said he was leaving at like 3am because he “refused to be spoken to like that” - when I was just disputing outright lies. I offered him the sofa multiple times and he refused, before eventually coming to my front door and shouting for hours. He says this was an autistic freak out, and that he never made stuff up but that it was due to his autism. I’m so tired of everything being to do with his autism. I feel like I’m a constant carer for his emotional well-being.
He also doesn’t work due to stress related seizures, spends all of his money on weed to reduce the seizures (he’s had one in 3 months b it that could be because he smokes an ounce in a few days), and I’m now supporting us. He’s moved in with me and doesn’t contribute, I mean he’ll pay for the odd thing but then I end up having to buy his weed because he doesn’t have enough. He would end up homeless if anything were to go wrong here. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Sweetheart, you're 22, you shouldn't be having to put up with this. No one should have to put up with this at any age, don't get me wrong, but you're young and have a life to live. You should be out with your mates having fun without having to deal with this nonsense from your boyfriend. As an Autistic person myself, I can wholeheartedly promise you that Autism doesn't excuse the kind of behaviour he is exhibiting. Believe me, I know it's easier said than done, but please, please get out of this relationship. As others have said, turn to Women's Aid or a similar organisation if you feel this would help – they're there to support people in situations like yours. But please, whatever you do, get out. He needs to take responsibility for his own responses to situations and his own behaviour, including his drug abuse (the fact that you're having to spend money on weed for him isn't fair on you at all). It sounds like things are difficult for him and I wish him well, but to be very blunt, it isn't your problem. He needs professional help. You're a young girl and you need to be away from people who emotionally abuse you, and you need to put your own needs before those of someone who seems determined not to help himself. You deserve so much better.