Published on 12, July, 2020
He asked if I was annoyed at him this morning and I said no, explained it was an external situation that was annoying me. He repeated the questioning so many times to the point I asked him frustratedly to trust that I was telling him the truth. He said he should just go kill himself and slammed a door. When told this wasn’t okay he brought it back to autism.
The other day I went out with my friends for Halloween to a club event. I told him before that I didn’t really want to go and would probably be back early. I understand I was at fault because he took this literally. He blew up my phone on every social media asking why I wasn’t replying and he accused me of not being where I said I was. When I proved I was he said he never said it. He’s often saying he never said things that he did.
We all went home after that. When I got home he said that I was a hypocrite because I kicked him out when he went out with his friends and came back late - which is a lie. He said he was leaving at like 3am because he “refused to be spoken to like that” - when I was just disputing outright lies. I offered him the sofa multiple times and he refused, before eventually coming to my front door and shouting for hours. He says this was an autistic freak out, and that he never made stuff up but that it was due to his autism. I’m so tired of everything being to do with his autism. I feel like I’m a constant carer for his emotional well-being.
He also doesn’t work due to stress related seizures, spends all of his money on weed to reduce the seizures (he’s had one in 3 months b it that could be because he smokes an ounce in a few days), and I’m now supporting us. He’s moved in with me and doesn’t contribute, I mean he’ll pay for the odd thing but then I end up having to buy his weed because he doesn’t have enough. He would end up homeless if anything were to go wrong here. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
So he acts like that, and he uses you for weed? If he was serious about his health condition, he'd find a way to deal with his health issues on his own and find a way to pay for it without involving you, like by getting a job or going through government financial assistance program.
I saw your message that he sits down with you to talk to you and discuss things with you like fully grown adults, and of course he'll do that, because you're his bank account, you're were he gets his money from. If he upsets you and you leave him, he will have no more free money from you.
This just sounds very unhealthy. I mean, if a friend was in your situation, what would you think? Would you like your friend being yelled at and lied to and used for their money? That's not very nice.
He seems very chaotic and stress provoking, and he seems unable to regulate his emotions, and by your descriptions of him, it makes me think of descriptions of personality disorders.
I know there's comparisons being made between autism and narcissism sometimes, and although both have issues socializing and displaying empathy, their outputs are different.
I'd say that autism is asocial (a- meaning lacking social awareness) and there can be a type of cluelessness about them when socializing (what kind of body language or facial expression would be appropriate for this situation? They might have some social awkwardness, and the topics they discuss can be catered towards their own special interests, and they speak genuinely when talking about a topic they like. Socializing can overwhelming and draining which leads to social withdrawal, so they need a lot of personal space to recover, or else they will have a meltdown, but after some rest they feel a lot better.
Narcissism is antisocial (anti- meaning against socializing, against society) and they see others as distrustworthy, enemies, and people they can take advantage of. Socializing is a transaction for them, it's either people are a threat or a benefit,. There's chaos, control, blame, jealousy, guilt-tripping, gaslighting. There's a flip in personalities, between being charming and being degrading, there's lovebombing and devaluation. There's a bunch of things like it's a rollarcoaster ride. There's a selfishness about them that ruins things for those around them. They always take from others, and they expect others to always give to them.
Thank you for that. Your definition of narcissism is very useful, and is giving me a different perspective on some of my own current and past issues. I really worried about that line "Narcissism is antisocial (anti- meaning against socializing, against society) and they see others as distrustworthy, enemies, and people they can take advantage of". Until I realsed that whilst my own interactions with society include all of the above in various qualities, I also see other people as potential allies, I see people I can let take advantage of me for the pleasure of helping them, but I never fully trust them. You just can't trust humans completely in my experience, they will always throw you under the bus eventually. The best I think one can do, is become so adroit at rolling out of the way of the bus, that you can live with the hazard, adn not hate them for providing it, any more than you hate gravity when you trip up..
Well I think that there are different levels of trust. Some people might be trusted to talk to about personal problems, but I think it's generally agreed upon to keep sensitive information, like bank information, passwords, and credit card information a secret, and not to trust anyone else with that kind of information. So I agree that it's impossible to trust anyone completely.