Partner

I had a falling out with my partner when it came out as well.

it turns out that according to her:

i was 'socialy awkward'' before, meaning manipulatable

I am 'asperger' now, meaning not manipulatable

while I haven't changed a bit

The written diagnosis usually lists the traits and difficulties of the individual, has your partner seen this document? If not, seeing it might give him some concrete appreciation of your autistic presentation. You could point out that your behaviour has not changed since your diagnosis, but what was once just 'how you felt', now has an explanation, and that this ability to explain is important to you, and you feel that you should be able to share this with him.

I've stayed in situations where I've been not believed, dismissed, bulldozed, and left to fend on my own. One was also 7 years. This is really hurtful. Hearing things like this said to me made me wonder if the other person really even cared. He did in his own way, I suppose, but he was careless with his words and in the end, I became tired of trying to teach him anything.

I've also been told I take on more responsibility than I need to, I'm hyper-vigilant, I work incredibly hard and still try and chose to be kind. I'd rather have freedom and a difficult journey than less freedom, a difficult journey AND someone making it even harder. 

What 'behaviour' is unfavourable for him? What does he not appreciate. Mind, it's taken years for me to be able to communicate better, recognise what individuals are saying and respond better, so it might be that he cannot understand what you are trying to express, but a response like this is still uncalled for. He must feel there's something unfair.

If you're happy and this dismissal is out of the ordinary, perhaps he needs more information on what your skills are so he can stop focusing on your weaknesses and play like a team. Would he move the best goalie because a player should be able to help the team win no matter what line of defence they're playing?

I agree with Tassimo you need to tell him that you are hurt and also maybe he needs to explain exactly why he feels the need to make the comments. Was there a strain on your relationship before that he thought might suddenly go away or be able to “get better” with a diagnosis and that’s why he was initially happy with the news? My husband has quite severe executive functioning issues but I’m the breadwinner, despite the fact he physically can’t get going with things a lot of the time there is absolutely no way I can work, make sure our daughter is where she needs to be, clean the entire house after everyone (including his friends who come round for gaming nights and leave glasses and takeaway containers everywhere) we still have to meet in the middle but the middle can be a larger area not a line bang on 50% if that makes sense, and fluid depending on what the issue is (we’re both on the spectrum but have quite different traits in some areas, he’s better at some things than I am)

Well, in the situation you describe, I would start by saying to him, "When you make comments like that to me, it’s incredibly hurtful." It may be that he is unaware of their impact upon you. If he continued to make the comments to me in the knowledge that they cause me hurt, then it would be clear to me that it is a toxic relationship and one that I would exit at the earliest opportunity.

A truly loving relationship is one in which the loved ones are free to be themselves. My suggestion would be to love yourself and work on the relationship with yourself. You are the one with whom you spend your entire life. If you love yourself, you no longer allow people who hurt you to be in your life.