Executive function struggle

Hi, I’m 40yo F, I’m on a waiting list for my diagnosis but it’s 18 months+ So at the moment in limbo formally. I’m sure I’m autistic, always been sure only now felt brave and supported enough to start the diagnostic process. Anyway, at the moment I’m really struggling with housekeeping demands, lockdown has taken a toll, and long story short I’ve got an overwhelming amount of sorting/cleaning/clearing etc. to the point where my letting agency is threatening legal action. What really gets to me is that I know they are right and I do try to the point of breakdown, whenever I attempt a task I get sidetracked or so focused on the details that even after a long time doing it not much gets done “globally” but I’m exhausted. Wishing the last month as well my car broke down, as did washing machine and vacuum cleaner. I’m scared, depressed and overwhelmed. I do not have any formal support in place at the moment I’ve started looking for  a cleaning service to help out, but it’s tricky to find one I can trust. I am doing ok in some other areas like in my job or uni. I feel like I should be able to just sort it out, I love sorting a order, just this all feels like too much. I feel like the shittiest human on this planet, and have no idea how to stay afloat. Does anyone have any suggestions, willing to try anything :( thanks for reading 

  • Don't be hard on yourself

  • Hopefully some nice power music will help, friends and family not an option but will definitely try small area at a time and power through. It’s just really so disheartening when I keep beating myself up and feeling even more stressed and overwhelmed. Like I know what to do and why, just really flip with the how, so annoying, thanks for the suggestions x

  • ok maybe pay someone to start the process  --- say one room.

    that would be better than risking eviction by your landlord -

  • Thanks! I just honestly don’t get how I can be super organised and tidy at work and fail so miserably at home. 
    also relatives are in a different country, and I think them helping contributed to masking the problem and I never realised just how much I’m struggling unsupported until it’s been gone through lockdown. I don’t feel brave enough to ask friends as I don’t really have many and would be too ashamed to ask the people I do know as they are connected to me through my kids so that won’t work for me, therefore I feel double stuck.  

  • In my case it also doesn’t help there are two smaller humans contributing to the mess but not to the tidy… I’ll try the timer bit next

  • I like the puzzle idea, will try to reframe that way, rather than thinking I’ve got to do it all at once!

  • Thanks for the ideas. This is definitely me. Putting projects on back burners and full of “might need it one day” objects.

  • It's difficult isn't it.. I struggle to get motivated and leave jobs half finished. It can be overwhelming when you don't know where to start. Too many possessions give me  anxiety but I still have too much stuff. Some suggestions. ..tackle one area at a time....ask friends and family to help....throw something away if you haven't used it for 12 months.....put music on while you tidy....be realstic about what you can do and when...visualise what it'll look like and how you'll feel when it's finished....

  • u're not the shittiest human on this planet. Thats for sure. 

    ask relatives and friends for help. 

  • Also 40, also female,  also waiting on formal diagnosis! I used to work in costume so I always had a tonne of stuff. I've spent a number of years working my way through my possessions, particularly after I was forced to move back in with my parents following surgery. It's not easy to deal with it when all you can see is a mountain of stuff. For me, the only way I could deal with it was a little at a time. At the end of the day, you need to have the basics done. Wash dishes, wash and iron clothes, dust, hoover, basic tidying. I do these things every week. With that done, my aim is to spend extra attention on a new space each week. Maybe I'll aim to empty a box or go through my wardrobe. If it's just a few bits that leave the house at a time, that's OK. It's still something.

    I love organising too. I rearrange my furniture at least a few times every year. If I'm stressed, I may do it more. That helps to focus my brain because I can't function in my space if I have clutter. As I move things around, I see if I can make new space. I've cleared out boxes of stuff as a result of realising they didn't work in my new layout and wasn't getting used.

    If you get distracted easily (I definitely do!) Than think about setting a timer. 5 minutes, 10 minutes,  whatever works for the task your doing. If it's something specific, like flicking through a book instead of tidying it away, put it in a box and leave it until the rest of the task is complete.

    One other thing that helps me, is to break it down, literally.  For example, I'm not cleaning this room, I'm picking up all the clothes and either putting them in the wash basket or in the wardrobe. Once that's done, I'll gather all the dishes and wash them, then into the drainer to dry off.

    These are a few things that have worked for me over the years, hope they help. In fact, go and get all your clothes. You have FIVE MINUTES!!! ;) 

  • Also 40, also female,  also waiting on formal diagnosis! I used to work in costume so I always had a tonne of stuff. I've spent a number of years working my way through my possessions, particularly after I was forced to move back in with my parents following surgery. It's not easy to deal with it when all you can see is a mountain of stuff. For me, the only way I could deal with it was a little at a time. At the end of the day, you need to have the basics done. Wash dishes, wash and iron clothes, dust, hoover, basic tidying. I do these things every week. With that done, my aim is to spend extra attention on a new space each week. Maybe I'll aim to empty a box or go through my wardrobe. If it's just a few bits that leave the house at a time, that's OK. It's still something.

    I love organising too. I rearrange my furniture at least a few times every year. If I'm stressed, I may do it more. That helps to focus my brain because I can't function in my space if I have clutter. As I move things around, I see if I can make new space. I've cleared out boxes of stuff as a result of realising they didn't work in my new layout and wasn't getting used.

    If you get distracted easily (I definitely do!) Than think about setting a timer. 5 minutes, 10 minutes,  whatever works for the task your doing. If it's something specific, like flicking through a book instead of tidying it away, put it in a box and leave it until the rest of the task is complete.

    One other thing that helps me, is to break it down, literally.  For example, I'm not cleaning this room, I'm picking up all the clothes and either putting them in the wash basket or in the wardrobe. Once that's done, I'll gather all the dishes and wash them, then into the drainer to dry off.

    These are a few things that have worked for me over the years, hope they help. In fact, go and get all your clothes. You have FIVE MINUTES!!! ;) 

  • Perhaps there's a hoarding cleaning service that would work with you, ask you questions about what you want to keep, and what you want to donate or throw away. 

    I mean cleaning is a thing that many people struggle to do, including myself, because like you said it can be overwhelming. My advice if you're cleaning by yourself, is to take an area the size of a box, and organize that area, and like puzzle, many pieces make the whole picture.

    There's always a grieving process I go through when throwing things away, and I've just accepted that I will get sad about it. Other people don't have such a sentimental attachment to objects and can just throw them away easily, but I have this attachment. I've learned that if my goal is to clean, then I must work my way through it in order to clean. 

    And before I buy something to take home, I now try to think of where it can be placed inside my home first, and if I am going to use it immediately, and what it's going to be used for. This helps me from splurging on things I like, to realize that once I get home there's no room for it, so it gets tucked in the corner and forgotten about.

  • Hi there,

    so sorry to read about your situation but I can sympathise.  My situation is slightly different but manifests the same.  I am retired, married and my husband of nearly 50 years has undiagnosed AS.  He likes organisation but finds it hard to decide what to do first and he rarely finishes anything.  For all of our married life, our social lives have been separate because he can’t mix well with people and I need to be out there.  Now I look back and think what have I done with my life?  My house is full of his half finished projects, stuff he’s saved because it might come in useful some day, and over the years I’ve become like him.  It’s been easier for me to go out to work, earn the money to keep us going and not worry about the mess I’ve left behind at home.  However, now I’m retired I want to live in a tidier place and I need to get rid of fifty years of accumulated ‘junk’. Trouble is I don’t know where to start.  Every job I look at depresses me. 

    So, I’ve derived a plan.  I like lists, always have, but my lists are often too long and self defeating.  My plan, therefore, is to write down three things I’d like to get done this week.  Not huge jobs just small ones like clear away the pile of paperwork on the sideboard that’s waiting to be filed, or weed the plant pots on the patio - whatever keeps catching my eye and making me feel guilty :). Date the list so that I know what I have to do when and tick off the jobs as they get done.  Maybe add a reward for success at the end of the week?  Or event a small reward after each job is ticked.  (I’m a computer game fanatic so I can easily lose myself playing games). Perhaps I should limit myself to one game per job?

    Anyway, I t’s the start of an idea.  Perhaps it’s something that could help you too.  Tackle the jobs one small piece at a time, and stop looking at the whole picture.  Gradually we could get some order back?

    let me know

    K