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Executive function struggle

NAS75685

Hi, I’m 40yo F, I’m on a waiting list for my diagnosis but it’s 18 months+ So at the moment in limbo formally. I’m sure I’m autistic, always been sure only now felt brave and supported enough to start the diagnostic process. Anyway, at the moment I’m really struggling with housekeeping demands, lockdown has taken a toll, and long story short I’ve got an overwhelming amount of sorting/cleaning/clearing etc. to the point where my letting agency is threatening legal action. What really gets to me is that I know they are right and I do try to the point of breakdown, whenever I attempt a task I get sidetracked or so focused on the details that even after a long time doing it not much gets done “globally” but I’m exhausted. Wishing the last month as well my car broke down, as did washing machine and vacuum cleaner. I’m scared, depressed and overwhelmed. I do not have any formal support in place at the moment I’ve started looking for  a cleaning service to help out, but it’s tricky to find one I can trust. I am doing ok in some other areas like in my job or uni. I feel like I should be able to just sort it out, I love sorting a order, just this all feels like too much. I feel like the shittiest human on this planet, and have no idea how to stay afloat. Does anyone have any suggestions, willing to try anything :( thanks for reading 

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  • Hi there,

    so sorry to read about your situation but I can sympathise.  My situation is slightly different but manifests the same.  I am retired, married and my husband of nearly 50 years has undiagnosed AS.  He likes organisation but finds it hard to decide what to do first and he rarely finishes anything.  For all of our married life, our social lives have been separate because he can’t mix well with people and I need to be out there.  Now I look back and think what have I done with my life?  My house is full of his half finished projects, stuff he’s saved because it might come in useful some day, and over the years I’ve become like him.  It’s been easier for me to go out to work, earn the money to keep us going and not worry about the mess I’ve left behind at home.  However, now I’m retired I want to live in a tidier place and I need to get rid of fifty years of accumulated ‘junk’. Trouble is I don’t know where to start.  Every job I look at depresses me. 

    So, I’ve derived a plan.  I like lists, always have, but my lists are often too long and self defeating.  My plan, therefore, is to write down three things I’d like to get done this week.  Not huge jobs just small ones like clear away the pile of paperwork on the sideboard that’s waiting to be filed, or weed the plant pots on the patio - whatever keeps catching my eye and making me feel guilty :). Date the list so that I know what I have to do when and tick off the jobs as they get done.  Maybe add a reward for success at the end of the week?  Or event a small reward after each job is ticked.  (I’m a computer game fanatic so I can easily lose myself playing games). Perhaps I should limit myself to one game per job?

    Anyway, I t’s the start of an idea.  Perhaps it’s something that could help you too.  Tackle the jobs one small piece at a time, and stop looking at the whole picture.  Gradually we could get some order back?

    let me know

    K

  • in reply to NAS75567

    Thanks for the ideas. This is definitely me. Putting projects on back burners and full of “might need it one day” objects.

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