What I'm I suppose to do with my life?...getting more depressed every day

Hello Amy and welcome to the forum! Feel free to ask any questions and read my profile.

I am 26 and I too am still living with my parents (I can't afford to move out).

I have been where you are. I have a Foundation Degree in Computing and have struggled to get a full time job. I am currently working for my local authority's IT department. It took 5 years but I got there. I am currently on a temporary contract, however it has been extended twice. I am currently waiting to see if they will give me a permanent position.

I have also applied for numerous menial positions out of desperation (I was turned down for all of them).

I would suggest find something that you enjoy doing and see if you can make a career out of it. 

Don't worry too much, these are very strange times. You will eventually enter a career where you will be appreciated for your talents.

Hi Amy, I really understand where your coming from. I just turned 40 and I'm still living with my folks. In terms of the weight gain and comfort eating, can I please offer the suggestion that you deal with that at the age you are now rather than at mine? I have so many aches and pains now that I have to contend with. I only found out in the last couple of years that I'm likely to be on the spectrum (still awaiting assessment) so I missed out on that major piece of my jigsaw puzzle. Don't focus on losing weight, focus on eating whole, unprocessed foods. Ignore dairy entirely and look at processed foods entirely as a bit on the side rather than a substitute.  Do exercise whether it's dedicated or simply extra running around with household chores as often as you can. In terms of relationships, people have this idea that a woman with a family is a success story. That's nonsense. Focus on your life, and if the relationship comes to you, than so be it. Don't go looking for it just because people expect it of you.

Jobs are tricky. I had a wonderful job working in a wardrobe department years ago, but I couldn't cope as an undiagnosed Autistic so I left for a break and got trapped in a cycle of boring, stressful job, depression because I hated where I worked, comfort eating and debt, followed by struggling even more. Had I known back then, I could have managed things so I could cope. It doesn't matter now of course, I can't change what was.

In fact, now that I do understand,  I'm looking to return to my first passion in some way shape or form. I'm working at paying off my debt and I'm trying to lose weight. It's harder at 40 than it is at 26, which is why I'm so insistent that you work on it now. As much as it is frustrating,  see if you can find a job to get some money in. A pet shop is good, it doesn't need to sell pets for you to gain experience with animals. I managed a pet department in a garden centre. We sold food and supplies, people would ask questions and I learned a great deal. I also kept treats in my pocket for the dogs who visited with their owners. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it. Compare that to the office based work I do now, and even that was far better. I was less stressed because it was all physical things rather than staring at a computer screen all day. Even if you don't get a job working with animals, it will still give you money, plus work experience. Just always keep your eye on the ultimate prize and take each step as one in the direction you want to go.

There are plenty of other things you could do. But you need to figure out the goals that work for you. Don't think you need to stick to one single end goal either. My original path was as a costume maker in theatre. Now I'm focusing on dress history which still gets me back into the things that I enjoy, but doesn't necessarily mean returning to a theatre environment. 

Buddhist philosophy is something that has seriously helped me, so I will always suggest it. It has helped me to change my perspective and now, I try to find balance rather than constantly scramble for things that are out of reach. I may not have the life I want at the moment, but because I've stopped dwelling on things I can't change and am focusing more on putting one foot in front of the other and heading in the general direction I want to go, I've actually begun to finally get somewhere. 

Above all, remember that you are the one who can change your life. Good or bad, every decision you make is a little more experience so don't be afraid to try.

i just looked up the national careers service it is a gov website so should be legit

That's great news, Amy. It sounds very exciting. Glad you're finding your path. Best of luck

AmyLR94 said:

I look everyday for a part time job or apprenticeships but I’m either not interested in that kind of work or it’s too far away.

I’m sorry but this is very much my point. The key to getting a job you love later in life is probably a job right now you don’t like very much and aren’t interested in. Jobs are not life long commitments anymore. Employers don’t expect you to stick around for years and years. I was in a fairly serious job which I needed lots of qualification to get, I hated it and managed to find a job I loved after 2 years. A more casual job might only be for a year or 6 months. Some work is seasonal and will only last for 2 or 3 months. If you don’t like it … we’ll at least you don’t have to do it for very long. And it’s easier to get a job if you have or have recently had a job.

AmyLR94 said:

I tried joining a knitting group and few years ago but it was full of grannies lol

1f602.svg

and I tried a colouring group too but it was the same conclusion

Ok but do you love knitting? Could you talk to people for hours about how awesome knitting is? You need a group that alines with your own passions and interests… it’ll make building connections with the others there so much easier.

AmyLR94 said:

I am straight and I am interested in everything just…according to someone I know they said I have my walls up really high and that with my autism etc I feel like I’m not right for anyone. And I do like flirting too

In that case can I sugest speed dating? In person I mean. You may find it dull but every now and then you might find an interesting guy. It’ll help you get plenty of practice at talking to men with out much consequence if you screw it up and it’ll give you a sense of the kind of men that are out there in the dating pool.

Hi Hippo,

Thanks for replying to my post. I have had a cat for 9 years now and at the time of going for the animal care course I didn’t have a pet. 

I might have a found a solution to do with my animal care but it’s at the early stages atm, but fingers crossed  

Sounds like you are doing great! Maybe I will get there one day x

Hi Systematic,

Thank you for replying to my post. I have just looked up the National Careers Service (not sure if it’s legit) but I found an online course with The College of Animal Welfare. 
I have looked for information on the college and it looks legit etc so I am hoping that this maybe a way forward.

Thank you x

Hi Tassimo, 

Thank you for reply to my post. I use to have this diary where I would write three things I grateful for each day, eventually I gave up because I ran out of things I am grateful for and plus it became more of a chore.

I know no one is perfect but it’s just how I feel, I try my hardest to stay positive and be happy but it’s very difficult. It’s more difficult when my younger brother has a career and relationship of 4/5 years and my longest was one month for a relationship. I know I should never compare but it’s how my brain works x

Hi Peter,

Thank you for replying to my post and thank you for the suggestions

1. I look everyday for a part time job or apprenticeships but I’m either not interested in that kind of work or it’s too far away.

2. I have been revising for my driving for over a year now. I haven’t heard from my driving instructor for when I can do my theory test all he keeps saying is they are still backed up or he hasn’t contacted people for a reader for me.

3. I tried joining a knitting group and few years ago but it was full of grannies lol  and I tried a colouring group too but it was the same conclusion 

4. I’m unsure why you were talking about asexual as that’s not what I am. I am straight and I am interested in everything just…according to someone I know they said I have my walls up really high and that with my autism etc I feel like I’m not right for anyone. And I do like flirting too x

u poor thing,,, I  hope u feel a bit better soon and get work somewhere soon

You have animal handling experience, so could you not use that to get a job somewhere? Even at a pet store or somewhere of that nature? I know a pet shop that had asked me if I owned a pet, I said no, so they didn't hire me. But if they asked you, you could say "Sort of. I have experience in handling animals at an animal rescue agency." 

And then once you earned some money, you could save up for an animal care course, and then you can get your drivers licence and a car or something. 

Also, do not compare your life with other people's lives. They are not on the same path as you are. Sometimes random strangers will pour their problems onto me (the life of an INFJ) and I can tell you that even if people seem to have their life in order on the surface, there's always some kind of deficit in some other area of their life that they are secretly struggling with. 

When I was unemployed for a number of years, I filled in the gap by volunteering too. I had a few people to talk to at least, and I was learning skills along the way so I felt accompishment. I used that experience to get a job with a modest salary, and I'm using the money to learn courses, so that I can carve a path for myself. 

Hello, Amy Do you have a good relationship with the staff at the animal rescue place? If so, then maybe you could talk to them about a path to employment with them. Or at least they could maybe vary your work or offer you more challenging volunteering roles so you can build up your experience. 

Are there any more animal rescue places or perhaps conservation organisations near you that you could volunteer for? Some conservation organisations offer opportunities to survey local wildlife. There are also charitable organisations that help with education costs so you could try searching Turn2us to look for grants to help pay for courses. And then there's the National Careers Service who may be able to help you figure out a path to the career you want. 

Best of luck to you whatever you choose to do. 

Hi Amy.

A lot of people (me included) have times in our lives when we feel this way.  In other words, you are not alone in feeling like this.

Instead of tormenting yourself with thoughts with the many ways you think you have failed, spend time each day reminding yourself of all the things that are right in your life. A few minutes each day having some nice self-talk about the good things about you can drastically change our we perceive ourselves and our lives.

YES, MANY women your age DO have successful careers, are driving, have families, BUT MANY women your age DON'T have successful careers, don't drive, and don't have families.  AND REMEMBER those women with successful careers are ALSO stressed out by the demands of their jobs, are struggling to make their car payments to may be in deeply UNHAPPY relationships and/or have problems with their children.  

No one's life is ever as perfect as we imagine it to be. You may find that those women you think are having such wonderful lives are dreaming of a life like yours without a job, no driving responsibilities and back at home with their parents.

Keep smiling.

Oh my dear this is not what you want to hear but I could be so much worse. Imagine you didn’t have online friends wanting to spend time with you. Or parents you could talk to. Imagine your health was starting to fray around the ages as you collect little health problems that don’t seem to go away.

i don’t mean to scare you and I certainly don’t mean to belittle your issues. I want to spare you from that fate I described.

so I have some suggestions

1. get a job (or apprenticeship). Yes I know that’s actually very hard. And because it is so hard you can’t afford to be too picky. Tbh any job you can do that doesn’t compromise your physical or mental health take it. You’ll never get the career you want with out money to invest in yourself and that means work.

2. As soon as you have the money learn to drive and get a vehicle. Anything even a moped. You’ll have so many more options in life when you’re not confined to one town and the time the last bus leaves.

3. Find a club to join. Anything you can find genuine enthusiasm for. Something with plenty of regular IRL social events. Comit to going regularly, even if it’s noisy and in a crowded place.

4. If you want family / romance (your post suggested you might) and you’re not very comfortable with sex and sexuality then you need to develop a tolerance if not an actual desire for it. Your future significant other is very unlikely to be asexual. You need to get to the point that when people you like flirt with you you can flirt back.