What I'm I suppose to do with my life?...getting more depressed every day

Hi Amy, I really understand where your coming from. I just turned 40 and I'm still living with my folks. In terms of the weight gain and comfort eating, can I please offer the suggestion that you deal with that at the age you are now rather than at mine? I have so many aches and pains now that I have to contend with. I only found out in the last couple of years that I'm likely to be on the spectrum (still awaiting assessment) so I missed out on that major piece of my jigsaw puzzle. Don't focus on losing weight, focus on eating whole, unprocessed foods. Ignore dairy entirely and look at processed foods entirely as a bit on the side rather than a substitute.  Do exercise whether it's dedicated or simply extra running around with household chores as often as you can. In terms of relationships, people have this idea that a woman with a family is a success story. That's nonsense. Focus on your life, and if the relationship comes to you, than so be it. Don't go looking for it just because people expect it of you.

Jobs are tricky. I had a wonderful job working in a wardrobe department years ago, but I couldn't cope as an undiagnosed Autistic so I left for a break and got trapped in a cycle of boring, stressful job, depression because I hated where I worked, comfort eating and debt, followed by struggling even more. Had I known back then, I could have managed things so I could cope. It doesn't matter now of course, I can't change what was.

In fact, now that I do understand,  I'm looking to return to my first passion in some way shape or form. I'm working at paying off my debt and I'm trying to lose weight. It's harder at 40 than it is at 26, which is why I'm so insistent that you work on it now. As much as it is frustrating,  see if you can find a job to get some money in. A pet shop is good, it doesn't need to sell pets for you to gain experience with animals. I managed a pet department in a garden centre. We sold food and supplies, people would ask questions and I learned a great deal. I also kept treats in my pocket for the dogs who visited with their owners. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it. Compare that to the office based work I do now, and even that was far better. I was less stressed because it was all physical things rather than staring at a computer screen all day. Even if you don't get a job working with animals, it will still give you money, plus work experience. Just always keep your eye on the ultimate prize and take each step as one in the direction you want to go.

There are plenty of other things you could do. But you need to figure out the goals that work for you. Don't think you need to stick to one single end goal either. My original path was as a costume maker in theatre. Now I'm focusing on dress history which still gets me back into the things that I enjoy, but doesn't necessarily mean returning to a theatre environment. 

Buddhist philosophy is something that has seriously helped me, so I will always suggest it. It has helped me to change my perspective and now, I try to find balance rather than constantly scramble for things that are out of reach. I may not have the life I want at the moment, but because I've stopped dwelling on things I can't change and am focusing more on putting one foot in front of the other and heading in the general direction I want to go, I've actually begun to finally get somewhere. 

Above all, remember that you are the one who can change your life. Good or bad, every decision you make is a little more experience so don't be afraid to try.

Hi Amy, I really understand where your coming from. I just turned 40 and I'm still living with my folks. In terms of the weight gain and comfort eating, can I please offer the suggestion that you deal with that at the age you are now rather than at mine? I have so many aches and pains now that I have to contend with. I only found out in the last couple of years that I'm likely to be on the spectrum (still awaiting assessment) so I missed out on that major piece of my jigsaw puzzle. Don't focus on losing weight, focus on eating whole, unprocessed foods. Ignore dairy entirely and look at processed foods entirely as a bit on the side rather than a substitute.  Do exercise whether it's dedicated or simply extra running around with household chores as often as you can. In terms of relationships, people have this idea that a woman with a family is a success story. That's nonsense. Focus on your life, and if the relationship comes to you, than so be it. Don't go looking for it just because people expect it of you.

Jobs are tricky. I had a wonderful job working in a wardrobe department years ago, but I couldn't cope as an undiagnosed Autistic so I left for a break and got trapped in a cycle of boring, stressful job, depression because I hated where I worked, comfort eating and debt, followed by struggling even more. Had I known back then, I could have managed things so I could cope. It doesn't matter now of course, I can't change what was.

In fact, now that I do understand,  I'm looking to return to my first passion in some way shape or form. I'm working at paying off my debt and I'm trying to lose weight. It's harder at 40 than it is at 26, which is why I'm so insistent that you work on it now. As much as it is frustrating,  see if you can find a job to get some money in. A pet shop is good, it doesn't need to sell pets for you to gain experience with animals. I managed a pet department in a garden centre. We sold food and supplies, people would ask questions and I learned a great deal. I also kept treats in my pocket for the dogs who visited with their owners. It was hard work, but I enjoyed it. Compare that to the office based work I do now, and even that was far better. I was less stressed because it was all physical things rather than staring at a computer screen all day. Even if you don't get a job working with animals, it will still give you money, plus work experience. Just always keep your eye on the ultimate prize and take each step as one in the direction you want to go.

There are plenty of other things you could do. But you need to figure out the goals that work for you. Don't think you need to stick to one single end goal either. My original path was as a costume maker in theatre. Now I'm focusing on dress history which still gets me back into the things that I enjoy, but doesn't necessarily mean returning to a theatre environment. 

Buddhist philosophy is something that has seriously helped me, so I will always suggest it. It has helped me to change my perspective and now, I try to find balance rather than constantly scramble for things that are out of reach. I may not have the life I want at the moment, but because I've stopped dwelling on things I can't change and am focusing more on putting one foot in front of the other and heading in the general direction I want to go, I've actually begun to finally get somewhere. 

Above all, remember that you are the one who can change your life. Good or bad, every decision you make is a little more experience so don't be afraid to try.