Recently diagnosed, wondering if other people have the same experience?

you're awesome 

Amen sister!

Hello : ) i was recently diagnosed in May and i am a woman in my mid thirties. I didnt tell too many people before my diagnosis but i did tell my mum and she was very quiet about the whole thing (like she didnt think there was anything in it but she didnt want to come out and say that). After diagnosis she seemed surprised but supportive in that she believed me as she trusts doctors. I was also told by the doctor that i most likely have ADHD, which i mentioned to her at a later date and she just said 'i dont think so darling'. I replied, 'read about it mum' and she came back to me saying 'oh, i do see what you mean'. 

I have told quite a few people now but like you i get a range of reactions. I think the bottom line is people dont really know enough about it to be able to identify it in me, in addition to the fact that im good at hiding it. No one wants to constantly hear my internal chaos so they dony know what i feel. I let them off because even i didnt know enough about it to recognise it in myself until i read an incredibly huge amount about ASD in adult women and identified with it. 

I think also its important to select who you tell and always be ready for an unsupportive reaction. If you think about it, it reflects badly on them that they react like that and anyway its irrelevant what THEY think  as they arent qualified to really have an opinion on whether you are or not. 

I hope this helps and you continue making positive progress : )

Yeah that would make sense

yes u could be correct 

I read an interesting thing saying:

"often the difficulties/traits are not apparent until social/societal demands outweigh the capacity of the individual"

... and that made so much sense, and also took the pressure off from 'not having noticed' etc etc

It took me over five years for a diagnosis and I've just been diagnosed with Autism. I now feel that I understand who I am.

I question my diagnosis a lot but it's mainly when things are going okay.

I appreciate your response, light for me is quite bad, sound stresses me overtime but I can manage for a while, I even bought myself some ear defenders for when I need the silence, I also have really weird sense of touch, like I love feeling of my skin being stimulated like being stroked or burning (not good I know; although I learnt that not boiling but hot water and just placing your arms in it is soo soothing), I keep a plush with me to help with that, although I will say one thing which I do not know if others deal with but I do have times where my sense of touch feels horrible, like everything feels horrible, its like my fingers are wrinkled and nasty.

But enough of my tangent and I will just say I wish you the best.

My daughter is a carbon copy of me (apart from me being male), so I'm wondering about her being Asperger's too. If she is, she's masking very well! Seems to be a common situation for women / girls from what I've learnt over the past months of becoming more aware.

it turns out my mum is autistic as well she was just masking it very well.   She didnt know i was autistic because i was just like her. 

Thank you :o)

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

I wouldn't worry about this.

From talking to an Autism Specialist very recently, I learned that this is an almost universal reaction by people when someone is diagnosed in adulthood (particularly later adulthood). The people around you can feel a whole range of emotions ranging from guilt

Yes, I think my Mum felt a combination of a bit of possible guilt combined with feeling that maybe I was saying "why didn't you see it" (which I wasn't doing or implying). After telling me that I always used to run into the school playground and then stand by myself, I asked if I always did this. She said yes, and I asked if she thought that was strange. Again, not a criticism, but an open discussion question for me to be able to understand, but like you said I think this touches on guilt or feelings of later criticism.

Hi - I suspect we are about the same age. And thanks, the biggest challenge for me is that when talking to my family, it seems I was normal as a child, which leads me at times to think that maybe I am not on the spectrum and maybe developed issues as an adult that are similar to Autism/Asperger's issues / behaviours.

People don't like honesty do they? :o) I'm always upsetting people, but I never mean to. I think I'm never quite sure of people's intentions and if people ask me a question, I'm always honest. Sometimes I know not to be. But generally, if someone asks me a question, I'll give them my honest answer. Just need to not do it in big presentations that can have multi-million dollar deal impacts. I hopefully won't do that again.

I often see things and solutions that others don't and have to wait for them to catch up. My boss got fed of me saying "I told you so" after many technical system discussions where I could see the outcomes and the down the line impacts and issues and no one else could.

Hi, 

I relate to almost all of this. I felt I was on the spectrum for years before finally being diagnosed a couple of months ago. my family also don’t take my diagnosis seriously, (in my case it’s a little complicated because they put lots of my trades down to my being blind) and I’ve also noticed a lot of my traits getting more accentuated with time. I was also easy-going when I was little, my difficulties only really started when I was about 12… 

I’ve found it a really anxiety inducing process Dealing with my family’s doubt, lots of it has really rubbed off on me. Please know that you’re not alone in this, and do feel free to reach out at any point if you think this would be helpful.

Keep going.

Unknown said:

Point 2. I was pretty much the same. I didn't cause any problems as a child and was aware I shoukd be good.

Thanks for all comments and especially the one I've quoted. The thing that is stopping me from completely believing and accepting my diagnosis is that I was (at least in behaviour and how parents saw me) "normal". I don't think I can be normal and become autistic (I know it doesn't work like that).

Which leaves me with either a) my diagnosis is not correct and I am not on the spectrum, or b) like you said, I didn't cause problems as a child and knew I should be good - so my theory is maybe that I was okay at home, not okay at school and not okay after leaving home and had social and behavioural difficulties throughout my career.

I think executive function is getting slowly worse for me.

Thanks for responding and please don't worry about reactions based on my experience. Technically, no one has been negative in their responses to me after my diagnosis. The problem for me has been that I was looking for an answer regarding my behaviours and feelings (which I did get, so all cool there) and anticipated telling close friends and them being understanding and saying "ah, that's why you do x, or find y difficult). Instead I got "no you're not", "everyone's a bit autistic" or nothing / no acknowledgement.

I thought for the times that I might have been seen as being anti-social, moody or difficult, they may now reassess and understand that I was trying my best but finding expected social interactions difficult and stressful.

School was difficult for me too, in the way you've said. I thought someone was a friend, but years later looking back realise that they weren't really. I kept to myself all the time and think I might have been bullied, but didn't understand it at the time.

I'm glad it's getting easier for you and I think it's a huge bonus to have a diagnosis earlier in life for your son. All the best!

Yes, I think high functioning overall too. I feel like an autistic fraud at the moment. My daughter's have both said, "yeah I can see that" when I talked to them about it, but everyone else said "everyone's a bit autistic", "no you're not", "you don't have any social issues" (which was the best for me as while I felt it was all very hard, the people closest to me didn't).

I used Teams too for work and it made me feel very self conscious too. Plus, sometimes I put my head in my hands when thinking and don't think too much of it, but I gained quite a bit of criticism for doing it while on Teams calls. I think that I like to close my eyes and cover my face when thinking deeply. I think other people saw it as me having some sort of stress reaction or breakdown and Teams maybe highlighted this behaviour!

Yeah I have issues with light and sound too. I've always been averse to bright light, but I don't think it is too bad or really a big thing for me (compared to other people). But, hearing background sound, even very quietly makes me feel really stressed. Thanks again for your answers and experiences - it's good to hear :o)

StayingAnon said:

Friends that I spoke to before the diagnosis, my parents, brother and sister all felt strongly that I was not Autistic / on the spectrum and have pretty much discounted it completely after the diagnosis.

I wouldn't worry about this.

From talking to an Autism Specialist very recently, I learned that this is an almost universal reaction by people when someone is diagnosed in adulthood (particularly later adulthood). The people around you can feel a whole range of emotions ranging from guilt (for not knowing or recognising your struggles), shame (parents, for not knowing sooner; friends, for some of the criticisms they've thrown at you because of your struggles), fear (that they may be autistic too); and sometimes resentment, because, to them at least, you've had your struggles recognised by professionals and may get some assistance in the future. Faced with all these emotions, many people in the lives of the newly diagnosed choose to simply reject the diagnosis. That way they don't have to make any accommodations for you, change their behaviour, and avoid any soul-searching.

In addition, people who have been newly diagnosed can also go through the same emotions as those around them and you will hear of people who reject their own diagnoses for the same reasons.