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Recently diagnosed, wondering if other people have the same experience?

StayingAnon

Hi. I completed the diagnosis process back in March and got diagnosed as being on the spectrum and was told I would be classed as having Asperger's (but it's not a formal diagnosis anymore).

I've always felt different, generally haven't fitted in and always felt separate to everyone else. I have a long list of behaviours and social difficulties which I think support the diagnosis. However, I wanted to see if other people have experienced the following ...?

Family and friends not recognising the diagnosis

Friends that I spoke to before the diagnosis, my parents, brother and sister all felt strongly that I was not Autistic / on the spectrum and have pretty much discounted it completely after the diagnosis.

I'm relieved (in a way) to have the diagnosis as it explains a lot for me, but most people around me don't seem to agree that I could have Asperger's. Most people, aside from a few, have either said "of course not", or not really bought into it.

Being okay as a child

As a child I didn't really make friends with other children and I feel that I went through my school life mostly keeping to myself. I always felt different and spent a lot of time playing by myself or reading. I did play outside with other kids, but I know I rarely connected with any apart from one or two.

I spoke to my parents today and their view is that I was a content child, just generally quiet. I didn't have meltdowns, I got on okay with my family and was pretty easy going.

I don't understand how I was relatively okay as a child, but have struggled a lot as an adult. Anyone else have that experience?

Social struggles getting harder with age

I seem to have struggled with communications more as an adult than as a kid. I have had a pretty good career in IT, but been socially awkward throughout. I've always found the social side quite hard most of the time, but I've gotten by. Early in my career I was regularly asked to speak louder and eye contact has always been difficult, but again, I've gotten by.

I struggle to talk to people all day and start shutting down in the afternoon if I've had to. I don't laugh at the bosses jokes, but know that I'm supposed to, like everyone else. I don't like work social events and avoid them at all costs (unless it's a small group who I feel close to). I regularly seem to upset or offend someone, but don't mean to. And on conference calls I either don't say enough, or I launch into long monologues and often forget that there are other people on the call (which is weird and a bit funny).

Is anyone else recognising behaviours pre or post diagnosis and then having issues with them becoming more impactful with age?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Parents
  • StayingAnon said:
    Friends that I spoke to before the diagnosis, my parents, brother and sister all felt strongly that I was not Autistic / on the spectrum and have pretty much discounted it completely after the diagnosis.

    I wouldn't worry about this.

    From talking to an Autism Specialist very recently, I learned that this is an almost universal reaction by people when someone is diagnosed in adulthood (particularly later adulthood). The people around you can feel a whole range of emotions ranging from guilt (for not knowing or recognising your struggles), shame (parents, for not knowing sooner; friends, for some of the criticisms they've thrown at you because of your struggles), fear (that they may be autistic too); and sometimes resentment, because, to them at least, you've had your struggles recognised by professionals and may get some assistance in the future. Faced with all these emotions, many people in the lives of the newly diagnosed choose to simply reject the diagnosis. That way they don't have to make any accommodations for you, change their behaviour, and avoid any soul-searching.

    In addition, people who have been newly diagnosed can also go through the same emotions as those around them and you will hear of people who reject their own diagnoses for the same reasons. 

  • in reply to ☕Tassimo ☕
    ☕Tassimo ☕ said:
    I wouldn't worry about this.

    From talking to an Autism Specialist very recently, I learned that this is an almost universal reaction by people when someone is diagnosed in adulthood (particularly later adulthood). The people around you can feel a whole range of emotions ranging from guilt

    Yes, I think my Mum felt a combination of a bit of possible guilt combined with feeling that maybe I was saying "why didn't you see it" (which I wasn't doing or implying). After telling me that I always used to run into the school playground and then stand by myself, I asked if I always did this. She said yes, and I asked if she thought that was strange. Again, not a criticism, but an open discussion question for me to be able to understand, but like you said I think this touches on guilt or feelings of later criticism.

  • in reply to StayingAnon

    it turns out my mum is autistic as well she was just masking it very well.   She didnt know i was autistic because i was just like her. 

  • in reply to aidie

    My daughter is a carbon copy of me (apart from me being male), so I'm wondering about her being Asperger's too. If she is, she's masking very well! Seems to be a common situation for women / girls from what I've learnt over the past months of becoming more aware.

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