Published on 12, July, 2020
Please know that I'm not writing this to be deliberately inflammatory or provocative, or to have a go at anyone here, but I just feel so isolated as an Autistic woman. Most other Autistic people I've engaged with are men, and seem to have quite a different presentation and outlook on life to me. They are often very blunt, whereas I'm not. When I get emotional, they don't seem to understand - I've been accused of 'emotionally exploding', for example, simply for expressing that I felt uncomfortable with a conversation. It's more than that, though, to be honest I'm finding it quite hard to explain in logical terms...I just don't feel I fit in in the Autism world or the neurotypical world, and I'm wondering if this is because I'm female. Does anyone else feel this way?
Males tend to mentor each other. They can compete for work, but don't compete socially like Females do. Women will ghost or excommunicate other women, younger females will throw their elders under a bus for a male. Here is one complication: Exclusion and Inclusion. Males don't typically play this game. Women need to be taught how to fight for each other. One way to view this in society is with a reality show like the Bachelor (which I personally detest). Whereas, I find the Bachelorette normal behaviour. The other is a type of misogynistic-based Competition which I find gross.
Females can receive input from society constantly telling them how to behave to be 'attractive'. In the Stone Age of 1950, males would come home from their hard days work and just want something cuddly and soft to make them "happy". A woman who doesn't need to worry about money, who can afford to make her surroundings as aesthetic as she likes, who can buy the same outfits to suit her male partners fantasy life, who can delete 'negative' friends and hire young strapping males to clean her pool is set up to be this depiction of 'attraction'.
If you didn't start with wealth or a wise, healthy glorious matriarch guiding skilfully guiding your upbringing, and you also lack the social receptors to be encoded with how to engage in the fantasy games NTs suffer through, chances are you'll feel isolated and frustrated. It is still a bit of a man's world, and to sift through all the b.s. that goes with that (women competing for men is created by males to suit their egos), takes nothing short of a LOAD of psychological work.
I've often referred individuals of all sexes to The Artists Way as a start.
One also needs to begin to excavate everything they think they've been taught, then go to the source and discover what the rules actually are. For instance, the Dao of Pooh is complete dribble. In-depth with ancient religions can teach anyone that it is very easy to assert ones ego into any teaching. What else can I get from it. People appear to desire to be fawned.
This silly notion of Emotion Vs. Logic is also nonsense. Logic is the formula all humans utilise to conclude a summary, the consequence of is a resulting emotion. This formula of Logic can be disciplined. Our Psyche will use How we Perceive a thing to base a logical formula from. 2 things are important here: What are my perceptions of elements, humans, life, etc. in the world around me and is there something I can't see.
The other is that Emotions can be made better or worse, more or less intense let's say, by dietary factors, lifestyle and nutrition. Lights affect hormones, affecting our circadian rhythm, affecting our emotions. A lack of vitamins or a tumour even can affect the penal gland or the thyroid affecting serotonin, dopamine, or norepinephrine, which affect our state of being. Biologically, women need more iron, B12 and other vitamins/minerals than men.
What you are experiencing is real. Learning to invest in friendships is not always innate. Learning to be responsible with and toward one-2 good friends is something worth hunting down. Finding an older, wiser woman as a mentor is not typical in society and well worth the find!
(Males...) don't compete socially like females do.