Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
tl;dr : I'm worried that my autism is at odds with my university degree course and my ability to finish it successfully.
I've been at university for three years now but I only got an autism spectrum condition diagnosis a few weeks ago. What I have learnt since then about autistic fatigue, burn-out, special interests and alexithymia seems to shed some light on my struggles to get on with my degree course for the past couple of years. I'm worried about what to do moving forward to combat these difficulties. I have disclosed my disability to the university and should be getting some support by the time I start my fourth year this autumn but given the extent of my burn out and my suspicion that my lack of interest in the subject Im studying is the root cause for my fatigue, I'm worried that this support won't be enough for me to successfully finish my degree.
When it comes to special interests I tend to become very interested with something for a few weeks, and use it to make sense of how I'm feeling. This is where alexithymia comes in - I like it when someone describes the feelings they experience under circumstances similar to my own, because this helps me see what my own feelings might be. Once I feel I have learned enough and get bored I move onto the next topic. I'm worried that the subject I chose to study at university was just one of these short term interests. It was interesting for a bit but only in as much as I could relate it to my inner life and use it to find out more about myself. But there isn't a lot of material that feels right and interesting to me and I've come to actually find most of my studies boring and annoying.
This, I fear, leads to autistic fatigue and I suspect it has led to an autistic burn out that has been affecting me for around two years now. Without that sense of interest I find it almost impossible to engage with what I'm studying. Because of my issues with processing I need to take in every word in order to understand, make sense of and retain information. I can apply this hyper focus for subjects that I am interested in. But it is difficult to motivate myself to focus like this on my university material - forcing myself to get through the work anyway is very time consuming and often leaves me physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.
Does this ring any bells for anyone else? Does anybody have any advice?
Thanks,
Phoebe
A lot of it does. I certainly have to focus on the topic and ONLY the topic to excel and that happens when something has REALLY grabbed my interest. Fortunately, for me, that generally sustains until I've got to the end of what I set out to achieve, the qualification, the perfect crochet sock, whatever... and only then can I put it down and loose myself in something else.
What are you studying? Are there ways to adapt the modules or individual assignments you are taking to align with whatever it is that's igniting your interests right now?
Hi, thank you for replying. I'm studying French, and my course is mainly made up of literature. There are a lot of topics i have to cover and also a lot of choice to focus my attention in a particular area within those topics. My problem is that I'm not interested in the main overarching themes so sometimes there isn't even anything in the list I can imagine myself doing or get into even if I try. I'm fairly burned out and exhausted so reading is hard for me. I suspect that the course never suited me in the first place, adn that I was only ever interested in a few tangential or surface level aspects of it.
I'm quite visual and creative so my interests usually centre around tv, film, music things like that. But I've been gradually going into shutdown as my burn out has progressed so I've even stopped engaging with some of the normal forms of entertainment that used to interest me. I'm sorry for the inconclusive reply, I'm trying to work things out but I feel at a bit of a loss to be honest...
Ah, I did Modern Foreign Languages, funnily enough. I was obsessed at O level but had a hard time keeping up with the exhaustion at university.
Mantra's advice below is stuff full of good ideas. If you're hitting burn out, maybe you do need a break. Just an idea but could you take one in France? Would that give you the rest and the renewed interest on your return?
ah what great ideas! Thank you, I shall bear that in mind.
Yep! I did the teaching assistant thing too. It's exhausting. I have taught adults and enjoyed it - errrr kids! Lovely, but ... no thanks! It's trying to keep up with their behaviour and back chat. I don't have the thinking time for that AND a lesson plan and soooo boistrous. No wonder you're burned out, bless you!
I had more of rest on a French beach in mind, possibly with some chilled out one on one English tuition if you need an income. Or, once upon a time, the typical student rest was grape picking in France...physical exercise and nothing to drain your mental energy. If they are still letting UK students spend their summers like that post-Brexit.